pink pathos

okie..now im staring stopidly at the screen going hmmphh..?? yep..why did i chose pink? itz not me, itz too innocent too sweet too happy..too unlike me. oh well, not to say tt im a sad & sobby-i-lurve-knitting-at-home biartch. nope..not the case. actually can never quite definite ourselves. was with a group of frens on this particular day and then another fren from another social circle came along. hmm..which was weird. coz it suddenly occured to me tt we put on different masks when we are with different peeps.

so it was uncomfortable to say the least. coz wit one grp im tis lamey-corny-horny talk of a person. then wit the other fren im tis pondering soul. so( no pun intended) wat do u get?? itz like a identity crisis u noe. itz like some out of the body experience cum simultaneous schizophrenic syndrome. ok..talk to this fren (lame mode), turn ur head talk to another fren (more serious) mode. i mean its freaky! then realised tt since we adopt different identities with different peeps, so where's the real person? dun even noe! hmmm..need a mirror to my soul, want to see myself frm outside and self-critic. wth..all tis is impossible..so why am i still blabbering?!

i guess tis is an outlet to vent the pent up emotions, feelins and thots tt can nv be expressed to someone faceup. itz awkward, but de feelins here is as true as it can get. doesn't really help tt im in biz, actually ended up dere by default. couldn't get into law, dunno wat to do in fass, so here i am. in biz, deres like no writin or expressing how u feel. its kinda straight up in ur face mathsy stuff, which is waaaayyy outta my league, if not some info tech stuff. dunno..like feelins tis kinda intangible thing is conveniently swept under de carpet. gotta admit tt some thots are not constructive at all. juz need my emotional laxative, to shit out, mental detox all the weird thots tt is fox-trotting abt in my bimb brainer.

im happy, coz something juz happened. some stuff tt leaves me smiling like one complete nutcase. okie im officially off my rockets..blasting off to neva-neva land. balloony state of mind!

hmm..realised tt sometimes as blogging goes along, dere's this tendency of sounding real pathetic, sad, im-gonna-die-and-go-to-hell-now-so-fuck-outta-my-way kinda tone. if not there's the angst-filled biartch jumpin & swearing like dere's no tml, as if de whole dam world owes them smthg. hmmm..guess this is the polarity of emotions. but i seriously dun tink life is so sobby. in fact, dropping in an emotional trough is a part of normalcy so long as u got to somehow get out of it. mebbe beneath the facade we see in pple everyday, there's this uncivilised weirdo tt lurks underneath..beware..hahaz. umm..tt sounds scary. ahh..so why pink?! i dunno..coz itz frivolous? oh ya..pink pathos..mmm..i like tis..