I'm at peace. Must have been QY's inner peace that has rubbed off me. It has been a long time since this feeling has descended. The ease of just letting go of certain things which is futile to control. After talking to QY on the phone, brought so much new perspectives. I really value her opinions. Frank honest clean-cut. No bulls**ts in between, and no moddle coddling. This is to regurgitate my point that talk is cheap. Sometimes, find myself guilty of saying things, then later reflecting upon it and think, "oh my i'm such a suck ass geezer." I dun actually meant what ive said to that degree. So, its a conscious effort not to say too much bulls**ts like going into the superlatives when the feeling isn't just as intense. In other words, making words a best reflection of reality. Just upfront in-ur-face kind. It feels good to lower the cold facade. I guess friendship exists in a form of caste-system. There are the acquaitances first, followed by the people you converse with, then people whom you care about enough to make you wanna do things for them, then friends whom you say abit of ur problems here and there but still kinda vague. Lastly, the most treasure one are friends whom you totally let ur guard down, and fess up with all the insecurities.


I really dun suppose QY will be reading this but i really mean it, thanks.


So im launching into some semblance of a rhetoric. But oh well, im actually fine with it. There was one passing thought that buggered me up a little bit. Fact is I dun exactly feel like taking the effort to make a particular person, A, happy. I've got a small love circle, anyways, dun feel close to the person nor do i feel the least obliged to do anything. Couldn't be bothered.. Ah..so can someone enlighten me on what should i actually do from here? Conclusion is I'm still not gonna bother myself with it. Reason being there is no feeling behind the action, i figured going about the act of a form of concerned is overbearing. Actions without feelings are hollow. Just as all the talk about i-actually-wanted-to-do-this-for-you-but-then-i-thought-you-wont-like-it . Plain excuses. The underlining statement is sorry-you-arent-that-impt. It's really okay because nobody should feel obligated to do anything. Maybe I'm just trying to justify myself, of my apparent lack of concern.


So I've digressed a fair bit. QY is a picture of serenity. Absolutely admirable. Her frame of ease is what I've been searching but for yet some reason unknown, cant seem to find it. I had almost wanted to cry on the phone whilst still talking to her. Just told her about everything, without the usual elusiveness about somethings bothering but I dunno what that is. Saying that it feels good talking to her is such a major understatement. There's this quality about her, that is so warm. To put that in plain cliche, would be..as warm as the rays of the morning sun. Urgh..**rolls eyes**. But i really cant bring myself to lower my guard easily. Hence, frivolity at times is the best form of camoflage.


QY is a friend from rv. We din click during the rv days ironically, despite being in the same class and cca. However, fate decides to turn her pretty face on us during the jc times at SA. As usual, plain ol' goody fun, with an ostentious overload of crappy musings. But that was all it needed to propell the friendship up the ranks of frivolity and it took on a more serious, yet more personal tone. She is very trusting towards others, so i was allowed to enter her world. After school days were spent cycling around her estate, or at times, hopping over to Janelle's house to ka-chiao Leftie-the-dog-who-scratched-the-kois-in-the-pond. Simple joys of life shared through our stuffed crust pizzas and hell-devil racings on the bike. Sweet. It is really something i think back and it brings up a silly grin. Thus, talking to QY made me feel so much closer to her once again. Despite the lapse of time whereby we lost touch for awhile, im so glad this friendship moved up a notch. Would think that the best form of friendships really needs to be nurtured through time.