206: A cranky witch from the south

Today was a sweet one. Met Sihui, Yo and Bin @ cityhall, dinner was at kennyroger's. There was no awkward silence of the sorts. I am really touched by Yo. She came today with a humongous pack of nougarts in a big pack, with at least 100 of them inside and gave them to me. I was shocked. It was those random comments i made on msn when Yo asked me what i would like for her to bring from aust. So i said, "nogurts". But i was thinking of maybe a few. I even forgotten i had said that. It just warms my heart to think that Yo had brought back such a big and cumbersome bag of nogurts. I fully appreciate.



We had a good catching up, but Bin stayed only a while. She had to leave to meet her friends.Then we went to New Asia Bar. View is good, looking down from upthere, it feels kinda surreal. Lots of expats. Urgh, i feel so fake talking about this kind of stuff. Anyways, I like the company. We had a nice time catching up, but i suppose due to the time lapse, the talk didnt come across as spontaneous everytime.



Funny how i go out everyday, come back at mostly past midnight for most days, but the whole day feels like its on a whirl. Its like clockwork. Again, i dunno how to ascertain people's intentions. Yes, i tapao-ed my stats. So am i suppose to bawl? I am really buggered off by random people msg me, people i have not spoken since last sem, asking me about my results, and how i feel. Isnt it obvious, i cant be feeling over the moon right. To set the record straight, I am tired of the whole process, that is making me sick, not the grades. I tell them how i feel, they say are you ok, are you ok. Now you just stop talking to me and I'll be ok. Why the sudden concern from out of no where. Misery loves company i guess, so when they get lousy results, they poll the handphone book for people. Thing is we have never talked for so long!


I don't understand why the tactlessness in handling people's feelings. At this moment i feel like a nasty old witch from the south. Which is a terrible feeling. How can I fully serve God and give glory to his works when its all angst i feel. Very inadequate about how far I'm falling short of it.


Frankly, i am so weathered by constantly being around people 24-7, and getting cranky for not having alone time. But, i have to go out later, and tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow. Gee, i have to go out for the whole of next week, and I dunno how am i gonna do it, but i am, somehow. Actually, i have this want to just off my handphone and go out to somewhere quiet. Just away from the buzz.


I am missing Peiyu so badly now. She has been gone for a week. Funny why i never missed her when she was here though at times we won't meet for 2 weeks. Cause i know she will understand. Half the time these confusion within is all suppressed beneath, which is making it more and more confusing for me. As Holly puts it, "you search for answers you get more questions". This nagging feeling is frustrating. Now i just hope Py will come back soon. I am tired of braving a front.


I am praying for god's guidance.