A full 6 hours on the phone with sabai had a major laxative effect on my mind. We yakked from everything under the moon. Sabai told me that being frank with myself both inside and out, will help to smoothen out some frazzled emotions from within me. Actually I suppose i do know what is bothering me, it seems to be always the self-same issues ALL the time. But really there is no way I am able to say it out on my blog, cause I used to view this problem as being abit looney in the past. So with that said, I feel that others will see it that way. I am not assuming that people actually bother to go and read my blog and read the stuff(supposedly if i were to write), but but but I am most afraid of the questions that will come my way. No idea if those questions are coming out of concern or out of the sake of knowing something juicy about others. See, i really don't know what to think about people's intentions. The same action can be guided by totally polar opposites intentions. So again i don't wish to presume the worst of people's personality, yet i secretly believe that the intentions aint that simple. Then, not bothering is the best. Frankly, i wasnt too ecstatic when random people came to know that i ta pao-ed my stats paper. Cause there is nothing to be proud about that, and it just makes me feel useless again and again. Actually i really feel bounded sometimes, like I really cant understand why this particular person has an a gargantuan ego and she cant stop reminding others that she is better in whatever aspects that others may be talking about. Especially with her looks. And trust me the more she does it to put others down, to push herself up, the uglier i think she is. So when sabai was telling me to be say my exact issue here, I cant imagine the thought of letting her know. I have no idea if she reads my blog on a regular basis or what, but the thought of letting her in on something so private to me makes my inards spill. So there. Hmmm..i suppose you can get the sense that i really dislike her a lot, no denying about that. The pompous or shameless self praise is ridiculous. And whats with telling other people how and what to do? I don't get it. Everything different from what she believes in, is not-too-good. Ok. now that was enough bitching.Anyways, i realised that I haven really spoken much about the trip to china. So i will do so in the next entry okie? =) so that all my dear friends here can take a mental tour to beijing, the place of pitch-your-nose, close-your-eyes kind of a water closet. The toilets have a strange scent to them, and strangely missing in any form of a sanitary bin, so strangely girls like to let their sanitary pads take a dump in the toilet bowl ala squat-fart type. Strangely if you really do intend to sit on the toilet seat, you better don't. I suppose having endure them all, i have gained some toilet nirvana. For let me enlighten you that there is no difference in sitting on a soiled diaper and the toilet seat, pray thee imagine the vast array of urine samples you will be sitting upon. Gilded puddles of liquid gold! Strangely, i happened to see that the toilet doors have no locks and you really have to use your foot as a door stopper. I managed to pee and stop the door with my foot in a strange acrobatic ability! All these whilst balancing my jacket with my free arm. Now, you are not to imagine me in that strange state. Although i think you are. But never mind, so long as your intentions are good (hell yeah!) i will not presume the worst of your personality(hee hee). A whiff of the amonia-roma sends a happy sting up my sorry nose. Utter bliss! A sour-eeEeee but sharp scent prikes your senses awake strangely. Two cubicles were coughing badly, ah...i take a curious peek. Ooooh. I see a strange bloodied pad bobbing up and down, down and up the neck of the toilet bowl. Like a drowning victim, sucked into a vortex for which it is desperatly trying to resist. This is as vivid and as sick as it gets. The water closets in china have a looooong way to go.