grouch pouch

Rhetorics give me a false sense of assurance, especially in instances where I am so unsure of the answer. Be it so that I am cheating myself into believing something I have no clue of, the end result is always some sort of a mental ease. Hmmm. Was thinking about what ah dot said some time back, and its true the bitterness is seeping through my bones, i feel resentful very resentful. The more this feeling regurgitates, the more the resentment snowballs. Sounded a taddy bit ridiculous as the events ran through my head in a chronological mess. It troubled me in my dreams with the same situation re-enacting in it in mock parody. You can try maybe, try, to verbalize the inadequacy that it brings. But not without dragging in some personal issues which you feel that it is not necessary to divulge. The ego seals its own mouth. Maybe you think two will turn good, cause two is company. Pretty subjective, nothing objective. The role of the devils advocate allows us to redefine some angles that was a blind spot initially. The purpose is for us to improve upon it, with benefit of the knowledge of the negative what-ifs. Balancing this act is not a walk in the park. Tilt the balance a wee bit, and you find the devils advocate starts to adopt a self-destructive nature. Not pre-empting and deflecting the bads, but in fact denying the whole situation entire, good and bad alike, with no discrimination. This leads to an existence in the most passive state in the little vacuumed world, with the State of Stasis being the only form of citizenship available. The rut is hard to dislodge from. The logding on board the State of Stasis is as boring as it gets. It ties you hand bound feet bound in a mental construct of a strait-jacket. The intensity of the jacket bites into your flesh the harder you try to struggle from its strangle. So you reach a state of violent frustration and decided against the need to struggle at all. Cause the end is clear and the end is clear. Whats the point. Anyways. Period. Periodically a surge of adrendaline manifests itself in a desire to overcome the existing cocooned state. But the mental strait contruct is simply to strong it threatens to disembowel. Others feed you information of their stasis-less life, with happy but puzzling intentions. They want to share the happiness which is good. But inside the cocoon is a funny jamble of feelings, all untagged and un-understood. So this pretty well explains the gap between the reactions and the feelings. Or rather, the lack of. You can never tell it. You will never really see quite through it. The frustration accumulates like the tumbleweed. Gets me so frusty frusty! oh bother this irritanting nuisance. Where's the green grome of christmas?