a-muse

It has been quite a while since I last blogged. Quite interesting the fact that the yawning silences are really the times where new changes come in, and they speak volumes themselves, more than what it takes for me to actually spell it out. Oh wells, today Py and I were talking, and contemplating the possibility of going abroad next semester for a student exchange programme of some sort. It didn't really psyched me up at first, but later it did. Funnily, the initial buzz about that, kind of died down within me when I mentally scrolled down the list of things that needs to be done prior to that. The bottomline of the unease is the feeling of being uprooted and moved to a unfamiliar situation, basically the feeling of the ground beneath your feet shifting. I don't like changes at all. If i had my way, things would be done in the same way all the time. The blissful comfort of having Familiarity as a safety net really does much to assuage my fried nerves at times. Changes gives me the feeling of being trapped within this vortex of spinning images, and the dizzy feeling you get being in the centre of it all. Yet as they say, the middle of a tornado is always the calmest. So there is this weird disparity between the calmness of the person within it, but yet not knowing how to step out into the whirling change. As i fully acknowlegde that changes must happen and do happen for a reason, but that being said, operating within the confines of my comfort zone is always the nicest. Prolly this is just the escapist mentality at work here.

Anyways, I had a great talk with S.A.C. ala murtabak boy. No matter how he insists that he doesnt like papadoms, I secretly feel that there is that curry spirit within him that craves for that every single hour. Yes. Now don't you deny that. There was this general ease when we spoke but it was kind of wacky at times. The entire conversation was nothing short of a emotional rollercoaster. How some moments will be filled with snorting giggles, peppered with some really crass talk, and other moments filled with so much poignant memories that it brought back sporadic stings to the heart. It did really ache at times, I could feel that jabbing discomfort occasionally. But sometimes, I guess I was real glad that we managed to pick up the conversation from where we had left off. It seemed that the hands of Time had did little to seperate the common ties of something solid. I am glad we spoke despite the time gaps. The whole feeling was something words cant explain (no matter how much of a geezer-of-a-cliche it sounded). I do have to acknwoledge that at some times, constipatingly get-a-life cliches does help to cover up for feelings that one lacks the vocabulary to fully put across. With that being said, I still cant stand the act of sprouting cliches. Now that is sooo..freaking. Cliched. hahah.

The weekends had been jammed packed with a load of activities. First was tuition. I gotta make a (random) muse, which apparently did a-mused me lots! haha..ok..i was trying to do a irritating pun down there. Shoot me down man! I love puns, says The Pan. Wahhah. Great ah, 2am in the morning and lim-peh is facing the com, doing some self-a-musing trash talk. Ok, I digressed. Had a new tutee by the name of Cheryl. Not the primary 1 Sheryl, who is also the sister of Shawn, but another Cheryl, who is currently sec2. Honestly, sometimes the education system is kind of unfair to students who may not be academically inclined. I was a bit disturbed when Cheryl told me that her maths teacher hasn't done the workbook exercises, nor did he bother to go through much of the questions in the maths textbook. Reason being Cheryl is from normal tech. I guess some of us have never felt this form of discrimination before, but it must really suck. Cheryl's mum was telling me that she wants her daughter to sit for the o's. But in order for this to happen, Cheryl has to get at least a 70% average for all core subjects. It set me thinking whilst on the bus home, and I called Ah dot to tell her my uneasiness of it all. I guess life is never absolutely fair in all areas. Maybe a person who is lacking in one area, is more blessed in another. Seems to me to be more comforting to look at things in this light, although more often than once this logic appears to be highly questionable.

The later part of the day was spent with my parents, just some bonding time minus my grouchy little brother who decided that he should be a little pre-adolescent grouch and thus, he spent his glorious saturday sulking at home. When i came home, I saw him lounging on his bed, with some trading cards strewn across his bed. Then i decided to ask him what he was doing. Sigh..this time the little grouch gave me a disgruntled look and turned away. Sigh..where has my cute little brother went too? Last time he will always give me a hug. Now he always gives me a sulky face, and his pet phrase is "yeah right" or "like real", or just "uh..ok". So basically all questions have answers somewhat like the above mentioned. I want that cute little boy to come back,he is growing up so fast! urgh..i dont like that lah!

Next week will be real interesting cause sb has gotten us tickets for JJ's concert as well as a underwear show of beefed up male models! hoots! Mind you..it is FIRST row tickets. Wah..sounds so hum sup but never mind..i will not say no to candies, and it includes eye candies for that matter. Pray hard that we dont kena diabetes from feasting (our eyes) on too much..you know.."heatiness" does at times cause your nose to bleed. Wahah..

Very amused..but very tired. Gosh..it is like 3am? gotta jump into my blankets...with.......

myself.

now.what were u thinking?