Now that the fuzzed up feeling is settled, there is a whole lot of things in my head. Saying that this birthday has let me see new perspectives to things is not a cliche, cause it really did define what really matters is the intangibles. Argh..i kinda dislike myself when the emo-wussy mood starts to take over, but essentially you cant change the intrinsic things. I guessed i've always see things, everything in a superficial light. Not as though I've gained some sort of transcendence over a span of two days, but should i say I have gained awareness at the very least. Awareness is the first step to change. Thanks to friends who thought me this.


Looking someone deep into the eye has this funny way of connecting souls, I really do like to stare hard into someone else's eye just to convey the real emotions I wanna say to the other person, but somehow feel that words do not suffice. So i stared into Py's eyes really hard during that day at coffee bean. I felt this ease inside. The certain ease that I dun get with new acquaintances, friends or whatsoever. I mean its always the clown persona taking over, but hardly any grounds of real emotional connection. And times do I get sick of behaving this way, but I guess thats the default mode..like hahahahahahahha..fill in the blanks. Laughter do bring people closer, but if a relationship forever hovers at the laughter stage then something is very wrong!


I digressed. Py is so down-to-earth, she keeps me grounded. She has given into this friendship more than I have. I like the real talk..sans fluff, just eye contact and sincere words. But its really hard to come by, and you dun get this with everyone so it should be kept at heart's distance. We sat for a really long while, till the coffee bean guy had to shoo us off. But there's always 7-11, and we grabbed coke light and continued. This kind of innocent sec sch-ish stuff where you get. People mostly are into clubbing as bonding sessions. Don't delude yourself come on. Clubbing is mostly a waste of time, and its all that sleaze. It makes me feel very dirty after one time going, i've been there five times and can say for sure that i don't like it. Innocent things are sweet cause it is real, it has no rah-rah thing about it. It is low-key, personal and so warming that you feel like stretching my arm out and give her a big hug. Which of course i din, else she will freak out.


One thing that I take pride in is having solid friendships. Basically if you were to look at life in general, relationships are what makes it special..So i really make it a point to bring at least a soild friendship from each stage of life..say pri, sec,jc,ctb, ntu..Of course, sec sch takes the most of the cake. Primary..hmm. used to have 2 really close friends but now we arent too close anymore. I met xiang two yrs back at the pool, and was really glad to see her that i spent two hours squating by the pool talking to her till my shorts got wet. grr..And ya..oriental travels..thats one. jc..there's the A03 girls, ctb..hmmmm! ntu, but of course..=)


Sihui gave me a card today. Love receiving cards, cause during the point of time when the person was writing the card, he or she was just thinking about you throughout, nothing else. I mean it is just so sweet to know that you occupied the major bulk of a person's thoughts at that particular time. I have to write this line down..


"glad to know that time and distance apart hadn't and wouldn't change stuff between us.."


just reading it makes me tear..this is what makes it all worthwhile. Really. Sihui hand wrote a card together with lingwei. it is...sigh i really dunno what to say. It makes me feel ashamed that i always link birthdays with presents which now seems really stupid to me now. Ah.


And the card begins with..

"remember how birthdays felt when you were a child?"


of course.


hmmm...and i received John's email and an attached card which made me sooo touched, cause it is a very long email, i will most certainly print it out and keep it..these mean a lot to me. haha..funny ah john! we used to sit very near during class but never talked much! four years somemore..tsk tsk..! And let me confessed that i was pissed with you in sec 3 i think, cause you refused to help me change the word for the ting xie and gotta stay back after class..those were the days! oh ya! class dance you remember! hahah..wahhh..sec 2 and 3...you were my partner! my gosh..that was 5! years! oh my..sure does bring back memories..and you know what, the hippo card really does depict the way our friendship worked, 'cept that we seemed to be like strangers for quite long. 2j gathering next time must go ah..!


Next..ntu friends. Whooosh! I think i have expressed my love enough to my friend. I think prolly will be sick of hearing it ten gabizijillion times..but still I dun mind saying it to people I hold dear. so there! i appreciate the effort to meet up REALLY! see you all come thurs!


nEXT, xiu...and yoyo! I got the birthday wishes! =)
see you all in the next potty potluck when we meet up!


Sabai..ah! This girl..oh man..hahaha..don't feel stressed out ah sabai! more than words..you get what i mean ya. see you on fri!


Last but most important..my family. The dinner at vienna restaurant, the durian ice cream cake, the celebratory photos and videos,and the presents, and the card from my little bro. He's taking his psle in 2 weeks. =)!


Gee..this was a long one. but its worth it.