Brain, juice-d

Honesty, the best policy? Doesn't apply in all situations, if not there wouldn't be a white lie as such. White lies either to self, or to else, does a lot to assuage one's sorry state of equilibrium. Call it the easier way out, or masturbating one's ego, whatever it is, it is sure an easy way out. Given an unpleasant realisation where nothing much can be done, living it up in the state of denial, helps. Well, at least i think so.


Gee, how am i supposed to come frank with it, i jolly well have no clue. All those negavity, seems that prayers cant put a kibosh on that. Utter damnation to this irritable spot. Issues that takes on a physical form is easier to tackle. Say, things on the "to-do list". Do it, and then strike it off. It's quite straight-forward. Issues that chews on the inside are regurgitative and harder to nip in the bud. This kind issues sticks deep inside, prolly akin to the emo white elephant. You want to chase it out, but yet chasing it out would mean taking part of your self knowledge away.


Thank goodness God is all-knowing. It makes prayers all the more easier. Times where i use my human brain to try fathom how in the world does God manages to listen to so many prayers in one moment. Times where the prayers all begin with constant bombardments of "whys". Times where the prayers are aimless. Times where i convince myself of the need to have faith, and at the next moment, start to get very impatient.


Well, the first step to get all bitter and angry is to compare situations between yourself and somebody else. Very well, that may be a one-sided argument. The comparisons are often made with the very thing that gets me fuming, with the very thing that gets me really envious of. So it pretty much self-perpetuates in that negative manner. But then again, if you were to sit back and think awhile longer, life for others may not be as rosy it seems. Bottomline is that everyone has their own set of problems to deal with. Some have higher threshold of that, or they deal with problems far more effeciently than others.


How sickening it gets. I positively do not think that things are that bad, if i were to think them through, rationally. But, there is the inate tendency to go on a emotional overdrive. To perceive a greater emotional turmoil than there really is. This word turmoil, really does sound like one numpty numbnut here. Daily living can somtetimes resemble a washing machine in spin mode. Some form of stability would be good, for it sure feels a tad bit dizzy.


At the end of the day, all those playful jibes, all the laughing, all the activities...when you sit alone at night and think..what's the point. Suddenly, it really does seem pretty pointless, cause nothing sticks with the memory. How sad it is when memories start to resemble a tape on the rewind. Where you remember events, not feelings, remember actions not behaviours. It is just the construct of the brain, to start forgetting, the very moment you wish to sponge it in memorylane. Times like this...where the defeatist mantra.."whats the point of it?", starts to gain some serious rapidity in the brain.


No way is this going to be a senseless bish-bashing of the inside. I honestly believe there is a greater good coming from all this mess, and the key to getting it right, is learning how to sort it out. Cue one big happy smile.