i pray

I am disturbed. Really disturbed. My church friend's mum has passed away on sat morning, very suddenly, apparently with no serious illness, safe except a throat infection. That was it. The weird thing is that two weeks ago, she was just at my house, laughing and talking to my parents, and the other adults, and just last week, my parents were at her place and she cooked for them. I find it very hard to swallow Anyways, we went to the funeral wake, right after the comms meeting and the church service. It was disturbing. The last time I went to a wake was a good 3 yrs ago. When the pastor was praying, all the while i was looking at my church friend, and his sister. The church friend is in his thirties and his name is Peng Leong. When it was our turn to go up to give a song presentation, I told Jacob that its very awkward, having to sing at a wake service. He kind of agreed as well. So this time, I was directly facing Peng Leong. He had his eyes closed, and occasionally he would bite his lower lip, as though to surpress all the emotions that were surging from beneath. As Christians, we firmly believe that after death, we will return to our heavenly Father in Heaven. Somehow, still, it is hard to reconcile both. It is the grief of missing a loved one, but the comfort in the knowledge that she is safe in the hands of God. When the service ended, as I shook Peng Leong's hand, and looked straight into his eyes, I could see the look of sadness in it, and said "take care". It seems so cliche, but honestly, at that moment i was stumped for words. Somehow, you have to realise that it is impossible for one to feel the exact same magnitute of emotion that the other person is feeling. The sanctity of emotions, I guess. That perturbed me, to say the least. Was thinking that probably that "take care" sounded far too frivolous to give any emotional comfort to Peng Leong. I really wished I could have done more to help. But dunno how I should go about doing it. Tried as I might to convey the sense of support to Peng Leong through the handshake and looking at him straight it the eye, somehow, it really isn't enough. This is what that is disturbing me. Should be attending two more wake services, which is tonite, and the night after. I just hope that this small gesture is enough to let Peng Leong and his family know that they can depend on the church members for emotional support. Then when I came home, my friend sms-ed and said he was feeling very miserable. He is my close friend, and was telling me how helpless he felt. By then, I was really drained from the comms meeting and the funeral service, and again, didn't know how to reassure my friend to make him feel less "shitty" (in his own words). So I just listened to what he said, and that at the end of the day, he can always talk to me if the emptiness sinks in again.Can help feeling very pek cek, by seeing people around me feeling unhappy, but not being able to absolutely anything to make them feel a wee bit better. It really sucks bigtime. I pray that God will alleviate the pain they may be going through.