As if

This is the epitome of sheer insanity. Okie seriously not thinking coherently right now. U noe wat i think i'm the greatest big arse pretender. Pretend that everything is so dam right, so dam happy, so dam fine. But its so dam wrong. Today absolutely killed me. Pardon me from being kinda vague because i really dunno how to deal with this emotion. Oh man..what's going wrong? Maybe i should be blind to everything that's happening around, and continue the great pretense that everything is fine. Im seriously tired! Feelings spinning outta control is what i abhore totally. feel as though i'm enslaved to my own fluctuating emotions, trapped, getting really claustrophobic. This sucks. Whatever the Earth sucks to the core so that we wont fall off its surface. mebbe its meant to sux big time.

Why is it so near yet so dam far. The metaphorical gulf is perpetually framed by this veil where i can never cross. This veil is one the other hand probably a whole lot construed by myself. So i watch from a distance and go "oh well" and shrug it off. If only feelings could be shrugged off as casually as such. I just feel like confronting the whole issue and ask "do u know??"....bet u never did and you never will. Coz i will continue to deny and pretend...just like i always did...as if everything was so dam right. Wish to communicate feelings without any words, just to convey it in its purest virginal form. but if emotions could ever be penned down it words, how cheap is that. I'm just immersed in my world of the naive, and i refuse to wake up.