I have not been blogging much lately, pretty much due to the whole bunch of tests that filled this week. Well, activities in this week are really all not worth mentioning, from monday till today it was boring and constipated throughout. Sabai commented that the tumultuous tailspin of emotions are largely attributed to a lacking of a clear sense of a goal in mind. Totally can agree with her. Anyways, I digressed. A life lesson that I've learnt this week is that sensitivity works both ways. That is if you claim that you are apparently sensitive to what others say, and complain why they aren't sensitive to your feelings, well, surely you have to be sensitive to the feelings of others in order to validate why you can be upset over the apparent insensitivity of others. Am I making any sense here? Well, apparently, this is a rather round about notion. This realisation reminds me that I've got no grounds to blame other for people being insensitive if I myself fail to feel it from the other end. So apparently I got to exprience this hypocrisy first hand, which got me to reflect upon my actions. I was actually fuming inside. To the extent it threw me to an utter disgust, to the point of some total bewilderment. First to the hypocrisy-on-apparent sensitivity, then to myself. I have this impression that everyone has a basic sense of sensitivity. Well, definitely some more acute then others. In the event when someone is insensitive, I cant help but wonder what is the underlying intention. At least, I'm speaking from what I think. First, it could be sheer carelessness. Second, you know it. You know you are insensitive but somehow in the moment of time, there is no general attempt to care about how the person may feel. Thirdly, the person is of little importance to you, out of your love circle, therefore somehow the feelings of that person is not within your consideration. One can never belittle how small "carelessness" can have on others. Emotions are something very personal. If you happen to feel that its really no big deal, it doesn't mean that the other party takes it as lightly as you may think. But sometimes, I cant help but wonder is there any point one is trying to put forth. Or is that merely a true reflection of inner feelings. Came across this phrase which goes like this: when you are joking, half of it is true. If you say that one is Fat, in a im-joking-you-noe manner, hmmm..are you really joking? Cause, fact is you think that person is Fat. So isnt that a reflection of what you think of the person? Okay, maybe this example is really superficial, but I must admit at 2am in the morning, I cant exactly think of anything more substantial. So thats why they coin the term " cruel jokes".hmm..Now, somethings are really more than meets the eye. Don't believe what you see totally..hmm..something real fishy about that. Should I believe then? Contradictory. Leave the saccharine sweetness to the ants. Come on..sweet..just how real is all this sweetness, haven you heard? the phrase sweet revenge? Just note the blatant oxymoron in that! Sweetness devoid of sensitivity and real emotions underlying is cheap. Totally. Sigh..I really honestly truly don't like to look at things in such a suspicious and jaded angle. Used to do that so frequently in the past, that I told myself, thats no way to look at the world. Thus, I really abhore it when events that happen seem to tweak that suspicious side out of me. I dont like it at all. There's alot of undercurrent angst that comes with that. It is surely no healthy way to build any form of relationships with that kind of insidious thought haunting at the back or your mind.Ah..but again it does feel good to let some steam out. I'm not fuming anymore, but really the issue of sensitivity has been breached. And i really dunno if the dynamics are the same as before. Not quite as yet