silent reflections of a confused soul

It has come to a point of whereby I'm kinda drained from being stuck perpetually in this emotional trough. So no more relentless ranting from now on, at least im trying to keep that at bay. Being busy really helps to keep wandering thoughts from floating away to neva-neva land. & trying to look more at helping others instead of like always thinking of my own deluded problems, of which i gathered are really dancing and prancing ard the same old issues. i've got nothing more to say already, so i'll end off with this verse that i find really comforting. Kinda just put you at this peaceful frame of mind, & gives real assurance that God is there.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold" (Psalms 18)

I will always remember this verse. This very verse had helped me bite my teeth and just go through the whole A levels when i totally crumbled then. Even thought of walking out of the econs exam. i just spent like 15 mins praying in the exam hall, whilst pple beside me were scibbling away. I never thot an exam could have such a tremendous blow on me. Maybe its the arrogant assumption that it's always me controlling the exam, not the other way round. So after the exam, i just went to the toilet and like cried for so long, till like it was dark and the next day was history exam. even called peiyu and said i dun wanna take this whole shit anymore. That was the worst mental collapse. Its the comfort assurance of this verse. Just simply to trust in him. The pastor was saying a few weeks back, something that etched in my mind. He said that blessings are meant to be received, not something that you chase after relentlessly.

I'm so disgusted at myself for always running back to Him whenever I'm down, but the next minute forgetting him when everything's alright again. So now as i reflect. Oh man, i cant believe how far have i actually drifted away. This isn't good. & again its the very same verse I'm now taking refuge in, to see beyond the present abysmal state, and just trust in Him.