Warning..long post ahead!! Personal opinions are something that should stay within the confines of one's mind, unless if someone else requests for it. So really I feel it is disrespectful to the other party if you insist one shoving your own opinion down the throats of others. There is essentially a subtle difference between airing your views and trying to convert the other person's thoughts to be in tandem to yours. That is simply ridiculous. The way everyone perceives the world is unique to that person so how can you ever fully convince the other person to share your views on every single issue? At its best, these views could possibly meet on a tangent only. Oh wells, I had several occassions where a friend has continually questioned the way I think, with regards to my religion. What started as a nice exchange, turned into one that is vaguely confronational, which later metamorphosized to its full glory, one with strong undercurrents of anatogism which were blatantly, but yet subtley suppressed. The oxymoron was by the way, fully intended. So the net effect is one that makes you feel like pulling your hair and wringing the other person's neck. I am not even dissing your views, so I should see no reason why you have the right to comment. Was on the point of just walking off when the friend kept persisting in asking me to keep "an open mind". Hello. If you have already made a decision about something, why should you sit back and continue to re-evaluate the options? It is utterly pompous behaviour to try to force feed your opinion upon me! I do not appreciate this intrusiveness, and yes, I am stubborn as a ass. So basically don't bother telling me your take. Unless it is requested, if not flop your mouth elsewhere. Most of the time, I will stick to my view. It is simply just a matter of personal opinion, personal space, do not trespass. Thats all. Is it that difficult? I mean it is kinda two way traffice yep? I don't poke my nose into your thoughts, and you don't budge into mine. Ah. Anyways, recently I have taken much pleasure at reading some of the Plath poems and Lit stuff that we went through during class in Nj, as well as a 11th century setting of the courts in anceient Japan, by a Western author, who was the first to become a geisha. So I thought her narrative in the novel was really engaging. It is more like a western pespective of that era, with a few lapses into the japanese culture. Really a good read! Hmm.. i guess there is generally more appreciation in the author's work since the whole atmosphere is not one that is academic focused. So I thought that was really quality time spent alone, just pure indulgence to jump headfirst into the lit-ty world. Feels damning-ly good! I feel most in my own skin in that, the emotional experience of it all. Wish i had more time to read though. =) But I am really glad that the rest of the modules I chose to study next sem is all circling business law, which is also really interesting to me! I cant really distinct if this interest is fuelled by the subject by itself, or rather, by default, the sheer dislike for the rest of the mathsy mathsy modules. Which I find (personally), utterly repulsive. If love and hate is a thin line, the world "thin" is honestly, damn damn damn subjective. As far as I am concerned the line seperating the two is infinitely distinct, with me standing happily, clapping my fugly hands on the 'Hate" side, ala gorilla-style. hahaha! Ah..see i am not forcing you to think that maths sucks. Haha..(but really it does!) Oh ya! I had ben in a fantab mood lately, safe except for that pisser-bug who pissifying behaviour pissed the living daylights out of me. Heh..so I asked a male friend, to tell me, biologically speaking, what is the plausible cause to this happy upswing. My bio(-chem) essenced friend tells me happily that it is because my ovaries are going to drop eggs soon, anytime within these few days. Ohh i see, i see. My ovaries are smarter than me! Wow. Unfair leh..thats because there is only one of me and two of them! how can?! So I'm very egg-ed on now! hahaa..Anyways, what proverb does this whole female reproductive system illustrate? come on... think! quick! here goes Do not put all your eggs in one basket! yeahhhh! I have two baskets! makes me a basketcase! hoots! byeeeee!

I am getting postively bored. Which is funny, cause really there is nothing quite so "positive" about being utterly bored. Oh wells, I didn't get all the modules I wanted and now am left with 12 Fucking AUs which is not too great. This just means that if i fail to get any more AUs during the add-drop period, I would hafta slog out my arse harder throughout the remainder of three semesters. It is madness really, I thought i was one of the few kiasa sohs waiting for 1pm to come and ones the clock strikes one, do a mad rush into Stars, log in, get the mods. Sigh..case of the slowest-fingers-last. Bleargh..I am feeling very bah!&# now.

funny!

I suppose this is going to be a long entry. A somewhat personal one to cause I feel that it feels more than just random musings about stupid issues. Was talking to Sb for about three hours last night, we were just talking about our friendship, relationship issues and very up front honest opinions. I cant reiterate how that important it is to me, since most of the times i dun like to reveal the whole of my thoughts. Somehow it is possible to have several groups of different friends but all seems to be scratching the surface. It feels that things can actually go much deeper, but because due to several factors like lack of trust or lack of a common ground, there is little incentive to delve any further on. Hmm..I digressed. Anyways, Sb is one that i feel that all thoughts in my head can just be released without prior filtering/self-censorship before opening my mouth. So really there is comfort in the knowledge that your dear friend over the end of the other line would not judge you for anything that you say.

Anyways, funny things have been happening of late. Like this 17yr-old boy, who is my friend's friend, telling me stuff like he misses me alot, and whether I can give him a chance. What is the world coming too man. That little boy is only seventeen! J1...my gawd. When I heard that, I was totally stunned, with the emphasis on the -ED. It pretty much gives you the feeling like something serious is going on, but you just feel like farting, but you jolly well know of course you cant fart as if the air around is all yours, and that is so socially inappropriate..so you try to control your fart by holding it in, but all fails and you release a bring-down-the-house-eque fart. Oh well, something along that line happened. I was really trying not to laugh, but in the end I just laughed very loudly and the more i tried to hold it back, this irritating snorting sound just came out, for a very long time. Honestly, I was feeling embarrassed with my lousy behaviour. Haaha..the cute little boy was addressing me "babe" and it is really extremely weird. Like if one day I go home, my little brother calls me "hi pretty!" I think i'll basically just drop everything and call the ambulance. So anyways, he was pretty perturbed and very disturbed and he asked me what was wrong. I had no heart to tell him how i really felt, so I just told him that I think he is very cute. But somehow, you know..meanings of words are in people, I mean cute as in refering to someone younger than me, cute as a button that kind. Sigh, and apparently it got totally misconstrued along the way. He took the "cute" to mean cute guy, of that sort. Kids are really growing up so fast! But anyways, I told him very nicely that with his height (185cm) and his sense of humour, there will be a lot of girls of his age going for him, and that older girls are like preserved prunes, left to the older pple, and so it is not as good. I mean how can you actually bear to tell a 17yr old boy like smack in the face right? Just got to be nice and tactful at times. sheesh..

Ah today was spent giving tuition, telling Sheryl about the new version of the three little pigs which I made up inpromptu during the tuition, cause I could see that she was really going to fall off the chair if i told her anymore about grammer and vocab. Anyways, my story had a very sadistic ending which now in retrospect, is wholly inappropriate for the ears of a seven yr old. It was something like the pig clan and the wolf clan went to war, and basically the pigs all died in my story, then the wolves made pig intestine soup and sold it at the hawker centre downstairs, and all the wolves became rich. Totally out of point. But never mind, Sheryl told me this is the first time she heard of this version..but of course! But really it is all good cause the concentration seemed really in good form after the three little pigs story. Shaun on the other hand was a wee bit restless today, but the very mention of planets and satellites made him sit up and listen. Anyways I almost died-ed teaching 3 straight hours of tuition today. Utterly zombiefied to the inner pineapple core.

bleargh..my fingers are tired. no idea how to end it, so i shall just leave it here.

Utter Damnation!!! I posted one long entry. Blogspot ate it up. Pissifiying!!
GRR.. I am in no freaking mood to write anymore!
What a bitch it is!

woo

I am so bored out of my wits. Seriously, twirling hair cum tweedling with thumb, bored stiff. I was initially really psyched up to go climb Mount Ophir with Yuxun, Ben and Daniel and two other friends, but too bad, so sad, I can't make it on the actual three days. Oh bother..kinda of really looking forward to that, quite a departure from the girly stuff and just rough it out in the open. Should be a really fantabous expererience. Oh wells, I asked Daniel to like just help me look out for any wild boars or mountain goatties there, or simply just some red-assed baboon. Those baboons with their swollen bums look extremely damn whackable. Ah.,.i'm just wallowing in self-pity that I cant go. Bah!

Anyways, I should think that these two weeks were pretty darn exciting! Really! As in many funny occurances, that brings out this bewildered but a lil bemused silly grin on the face. Haha..love it when surprising things happen. Sheane had suggested we go Jb to walk and shop and eat..methinks that it sounds like a real deal..but my Dad had to remind me of all the armed robberies..and things of that sort. But then, I don't have money, don't see why I look like a good target. Haha..hope this suggestion materialises to a real outing =)

Other activities include..
*tuition
*movies over the weekend
*a little booze over the weekend
*coffee bean!!
*sun-tanning or swimming with sb
*Church evangelistical Sunday..with Yuxun, Shixuan, Puden, Shien..Eddie..in charge =)
* jb next week?? =)

life's good..cant ask for more.. =D

hmmm

Just came back from a night out with uni frens. Went to Partyworld, where basically all the songs are Chinese songs, and a few pathetic english songs. Haha..it is so cheesy, the english mtvs are from the 80s kind of low budget ones, with this nameless-but-chio angmoh girl walking along the beach, and the song played is Jamelia's superstar. There is no link at all, and it makes no sense. But nvm, the weirdness was odd, and oddity is better than the cliches. This brings me to some of the chinese mtvs. Especially the big mouse loves big rice. The plot is totally predictable, male mouse tries to steal rice for female mouse, pussy cat comes, female mouse dies for male mouse. It is cheese beyond the ultimate, the way they try to elicit some semblance of human emotions for two cartoon mouses..okay..fine, mice. Wow. I dunno why i am being so freaking cynical ya..i'am desensitised by cheesy love plots, must be mediacorp's undoing! Wait..I spent so much time complaining, but really the outing had been great. Wx and his andy Lau (sai). He really did the 80s style singing with the x-factor. Didnt get to hear Sheane's FIR though. Anyways, guang huang's gf's voice is really good. After that it was chilling out at Alley bar. This is the 2nd time out with Wx and sheane, and sufen there. The other time we were with ernest and shan shan as well. But we still prefer chijmes..haha.. Anyways, I am still confused. But it is times like this where it is not too wise to tread into unknown waters.

I am going to make my escape.
Noo..you cant like me!
Anybody but you.
Time to run before sappy emotions catch up on me.
commitment is scary, especially you cant really be sure what you are signing yourself up for.
In times of uncertainty, flee!

laadeedum

This blog post is testiment to how confused i am. The jumbled up feeling needs to be straightened so urgently that I basically chose to talk to blogspot. Ah. How funny is that? Hmm..aiyoh..how come like that leh? Anyways, I lost one tuition job, even before the tuition even started. That is so freaking sad. But..there's a silver lining on every dark cloud! Hee..and today I got a new tuition job, which is even better than the one I lost. Thanks to Ah Dot, and of course..Kevin, who gets to a share of the juicy pie too.. Bleah. But without his help, I cant even get the job in the first place. So, thanks Kevin, where ever he is. I'm also kinda psyched up about what Sam told me the other day, about writing a article, apparently a bitchy and frivolous one. He said it as though it was sooo my element. Hmm..case of the pot calling the kettle black. Wahaha..He called me a pip squeak. Whatever is that? Never mind. Haha..thanks anyways, I appreciate it. =) As in I appreciate the chance to write, umm..not the pip squeak part. ya.. Have been going out very frequently lately, its fun and all. I dun exactly like to recount events, but it was nice company really. Yep. And i am very glad that my church friend is going to ntu too. Though I don't know him well, but it just feels good to have someone from church around. So I offered to show him ard school when term starts. Actually I was hoping he will go join campus crusade with me..cause I dun wanna go alone. -_- Anyways, I am stilll very confused as it is. Brainwaves langga inside the head once again. Shucks! One call away? Really?

Things happen so fast I really did not see it coming. Feels a tad weird, a tad out of control, a tad of..oops-i-really-dunno-where-to-go. Seems to weird! Like one big circle in this game of musical chairs, you end up sitting beside the person whom you started the game with. I could see where the questions where going to and coming from when you asked it. But I pretended not to understand, in a pathetic attempt to avoid the confrontational answer which I had no absolute clue of. But it is hard to keep all this whirlwind of emotions within, just this time, not blasting my mouth off. Really it is kind of confusing, bewildering, perturbing...and what have you..
bah.
I am so not gonna play this game of musical chairs. The music sucks. Big time.
Shoo..go away..sappy emotions, I don't want you.

birds and the beees

Life has been great. Made new friends, met up with old friends, i've got 2 tuition assignments now, had my coke-light-of-the-day, coffee-of-the-day-, and werthers-of-the-day. Stayed at home for a couple of days after the church camp, just to get some alone time. So after today, I shall be resuming to busying around.

The church camp had been a great experienc. Sort of like being nudged out of my comfort zone of passivity to a role that required my co-leader, Puden and me to be enthusiastic and sort of to get our grp pple to be more involved. That feeling was actually very new to me. I was kinda self-conscious at first, but later I just decided like whats the point of restraining emotions. Just let the hair down laa. A few friends really did impressed me with their maturity and their spiritual depth.

Kinda felt drained after it all, being around people 24-7 for 4 days is not reeally my kind of thing. A few times I just felt like going off in a corner, stone just let my mind drift around. But i couldn't possibly do that. Anyways, had a great talk with Jacob over at Palawan beach on the last night. We were just sitting at this beach cafe, which had already closed at the time we arrived. But luckily there was a 7-11 store nearby, and we got a drink and just talked about the whole camp, about life, about relationships. Nice time it was. Eventually the mosquitoes really pissed the living daylights out of us, and we just went back to the campsite, returning with many love smooches by the love-deprived mosquitoes. Damned insects. This time, it was Es, Jacob and me talking in the room. Somehow Es just fell asleep midway.

Activities for the rest of the week seems pretty good to me. Life is looking up. The sky is blue..birds are flying happily in the air. And holy moly..a lukewarm slugde of shit fell from the sky and landed on my forearm, just this morning. Tell me all about more about the being as free as a bird. Apparently, they are very generous with their showers of blessings too. Crap.

Feels so freaking good! Its all good, all good. Laaa..i can just lie on a nice pasture of green and smile stupidly in the sky, see the frisky lambs jumping in glee. Happy laa..what to do? Anyways, I was really amused at the number of same names in church. 3 Jeremys, 2 Esthers, 2 Benjamins, 3 Samuels, 2 Beverlys,2 Gillians, 3 Lydias..thats about it =)

A simple talk of about 10 mins brought so much warmth to my heart
the phrase "i am a family person", makes me think so much more of that person
as in that person's nature, character..etc
i cant seem to trust anybody who loves to club day in day out,
or always perpetually has all materialistic things under their wish list
one word: A-typical
Not as if there seems to have a whole lot of emotional depth to delve in anyways.
There is really so much material stuff you can have..and come to think of it,
whats the point of wanting so much? The more you go for it, the more you feel as though you dun have enough, though technically speaking..you do have a whole bomb of it.
I want to be simple. As in simple demands, complex thoughts, not the other way around.
Complex simplicity it is.
However much of an oxymoron it is.
This friend really seems it =)
Must learn more from the friend.

The fantabulousically-est feeling is back! Say hi to fuzzy-wuzzy, byee to mooo-dy cow. Loving the love of it. Both the noun,its verb and its adjective. Happy people speak in incoherent cacophony-esque sentences, that sound vaguely like some schizo-jargon. Which sounds like perfect nonsense to most. Oh no..I am talking shit already. *poot*

Guys think that all girls are i-love-a-flower-in-my-hair-and-a-tutu-as-a-dress kind. Wrong. This guy said i was cute apparently *pui* and maybe thinks that i think it is a compliement. Yucks. This is the worst form of insult to me. And no, not every girl loves to be tickled. Tickling is so ridiculous. Just a seemingly innocent reason to touch a girl. Think i dunno is it?! And honey coated words are meant for the ants, it just gives me mental diabetes. So no i dun wanna be as cute as a button. Who says buttons are cute by the way? They are round and flat. And whats so cute about that. Think of newer things to say can? Like maybe..oh you are as bodacious as a transvesite..wahah..by the way, transvesites have great bodies. Anything besides the usual cute-as-a-cliche stuff. Yep! Way to go guys!! This way to the main door please =) bam!

phat thots

I realised i haven pooped around here for quite awhile, well...due to the fact that I am very happy with my life now, there is no reason to squat and whine. Anyways, life has been great, though i am not too sure if this supposed "greatness" is due to a happier outlook, or really a certain string of events that makes life a lot enjoyable. Have been going out a lot more often, and yes, be more friendly. Let me digress a bit. To any girl out there that may be dieting ur guts out, don't. It causes terrible mood swings, and you dun want that do you? So ya..its not worth it really. Just move your ass around more. And ya..I have read somewhere that twitching and fidgeting can burn more calories, yep..so go ahead..put some ants in your pants. Make that red ants okay. I bet they can make you jump like you never jumped before. I mean..whatever you do, do the thing that is most efficient ya! So red ants it is. =) Went out with Sb to boat quay, clarke quay, dinner at swensons, and also visiting the toilet at Fullerton hotel. Its really nice..as in both the toilets and the whole outing. Basically we laughed our asses off, crapped about this severely irritating buaya-ish ah cek, and...hahaz..other stuff..censored. It was honestly super nice..it is the comfort of being with ur closest friends, blabbering nonsense, that makes you feel really at ease. We sat around at boat quay for super long talking and getting sappy over mushy stuff. I am still very amused about the whole wilson +wilson thing going on. It feels damn-ing-ly weird though. Argh..never mind, shall not think about that part. Oh, the rats at shenton way are freaking big, and in a weird twist of events, two rats were actually chasing two of us around. Its totally anal, seeing 2 tall things with two legs each running away from 2 short things on four legs. I mean, much as I detest getting all girly and wimpy, but eeee..i am very very scared of rats. Yucks. So I wasn't about to play hero in the sight of those (mickey) mouses. They took the mickey out of us! How can that be?? Hello..pick someone ur own size! For example, fellow rats to begin with. Argh. Saturday's gonna be a helluva fun day! Looking sooo forward to it. But I'm not so looking forward to Sunday though. The thought of presenting the treasury sheet for the youth camp makes my intestines jiggle. The thing is I don't even have the habit of keeping track with my own money, so the whole task is made more difficult by the need to be really detailed at recording where the buckaroos are resting at. Church camp will be next week, and I pray that everything will go on real smooth. We have put in almost 6 months preparing for the camp, right down to the nitty gritties, but I'm still a little worried that we may have left out some stuff out of our scope of consideration. Still! We have total faith in hitting our targetted number of 75 people. =) Thats all basically, besides going out with several different grps of friends, and scouring for tuition jobs. Oh ya, work will resume as soon as the church camp ends. I need to rake in the mooo-lah..if not how to go Bangkok?!