Serene Pigeon meets the Cockatoos

The gleeful thought of a job prospect, had me trying to stifle a "heehee" in the head, whilst trying to be realistically objective to think about its possibility. But again, hmm, have can you ever be sure of such. So N was telling me about how in the Real-real-very-real world, the Good jobs are by recommendation and in his own words.."jobs in the papers are as good as gone". Hmm, i don't understand what is his definition of good per se. Good corporate environment? Good pay? Even good colleages is also a form of Good. (but hardly anyone considers relationships as a Good factor of consideration).


Granted that there was a woohoo! confetti moment, but what a senseless thought really, to be happy over something that Has.not.even.happened. Periooooooddd. Anyways, since there is no way to construe what someone else is thinking. I figured, best is to be myself. Is that treading on eggshells to be yourself? Though i don't necessarily believe i had done anything to antagonize a friend, i also don't necessarily believe that it was pure coincidence. So disturbing, and poor Wx had to bear the brunt of me going on and on. And then after going on and on, until im too tongue weary and thought exhausted.


Besides, i had fun with sparklers a couple of days before. The racuous laughter may have woke a few bullfrogs, and Un-pitched a few Tents (woots!);D. East coast is literally different as night and day, as it is in the night and the day. Thats as crude as it gets. Hahaha.. And whether any lucky fish has been stung side-fin by a pirouetting lighted sparkler that flew through the air and skinny dipped into the seawater. I really hope not. Must have fried their (sorry) scales. I'm sorry.


And, singing at the kbox. With all the clutch my tummy guffaws, we probably harvested one set of 3-by-2 pack at the end of 3-point-5 hrs.

But im alittle disturbed why kh can sit down like a Serene Pigeon while we are choking on our own saliva. I don't get it! That guy has no laugh reflex! Why??? Haha..BUT! There is nothing like a GOOOD pair of Jia4 Ying1-s for starters! Which later degenerates to pig squealings. Leo Sayer has it, and we have it too. And boy does it make us Feel Like Dancing.

wx on the other hand has laugh reflexes on the hair on his last pinky. Plug in a few, "Whoah", and "Hey! Now that is what i call a good Jia Ying!" and he totally loses his mojo to a brood of cackling geese. :D

One more thing! To my dear dear friend, wah i love you more after today man. You are like mozarella, the more you heat the more it sticks! (to the heart) :D With many many more to come. I'll call you two times again! both at the Right time! :D

Hmm, graduation will come in about 7 months. I am largely expectant of what there is to come. But first, acc proj, my sole dread, is expecting. You see, the bus takes you to West end. You think you chose the bus, but the bus chooses the route to take you there. Although there is a Real dread for acc, i see it as the mudroad that the bus needs to take to get to West End.

Oh, this theory on the bus-that-takes-me-to-west-end, came from a prose extract from a lit exam at Nj. It was set in the English Suburbia with the protagonist taking a choosing a Bus to take him to West End were he visits an array of shophouses. Like that of a small Pollypocket world illustration of the World at large. So when he reaches West end, he again chooses the shops to go to. The protagonist feels that the world is to his calling as he chooses the place to go and the things to do when he is there. But in fact really, it is the route that the bus takes for him to reach there, so that he can choose.

So the underlying thrust is that we have lesser control in life than there really is--- though im not saying everyone are Marionette Dolls. But ya, you get the drift right? :) So this prose has sticked with me alot since. And whilst i was writing the prac crit to that, i was thinking in my head, wham. Yes, this is it. Way to go. Yes!

Hmm, am i going too off kilter? that was such a honest blog post you know. :) Happy week, so think happy thoughts!

Hey, thanks for all the birthday surprises. It is quite overwhelming, and yes, i didnt see THAT one coming. I had the pictures uploaded to a site called rockyou, or something of the sorts. Got the html code, but blogger is having problems deciphering them. And im tired of refreshing the page for the longest time, so i think i'll try again next time.


Yeap, wow so many things have happened this past month! Mundane ones, out-of-the-blue ones, it happens faster than i can update and by the time i want to update it, the essence of it has evaporated to a mere speck. Can't really feel it anymore.


At this point, or rather the last feeling i was having...was a certain Big-Sigh moment. There are so just so many people who will treat you with that genuine goodness of their heart. And sometimes, it turns out that everyone is bobbing along the same wavelength. And its not about olibgatory comments, or shallow humouring, but you really Feel it. Darn. I didnt actually think about it for quite some time, it was shelved it a corner. And yeah, im sad that there is absolutely nothing now, only some foggy idea to think about. I didnt realise it then, but now i do. Not that im trying to hunt it down again, for what.


And although the happy birthday singing over the phone was ahem, outofkey, but because it was out of key, it made it even sweeter. And then, Friend will insist, ah nonono, i dont mean it to be sweet. Ya, you call at 12 am, sing a song ask me and you the First person. Yes, you are the first singing person. First person was..an unknown number (maybe cause i lost my prev phone), then it was Py, owner of the bday blog. I just love friends like this, they are so shy to admit that they are so sweet. HAHA. i appreciate it can. Hmm, if you dont meant it to be sweet, Ok then what do u what me to think of it. heh.


Thanks everyone. i am feeling happy now.

I deleted the angst ridden post i've written because yes, i'm feeling so loved now, cannot complain.

I see this www.thedivaturns21.blogspot.com and the messages within, and i think about my family rushing to get my bday prep, my relatives, friends coming to help me set up the place, the bday turn out being so much more than i expected, and this wed's surprise trip to JB. wah i feel damn loved. There was a tear jerk moment somewhere in the middle of this para. But i wont tell you WHERE. :)


even the complainsome me really cannot think of one thing to complain about. wah biang, im really very touched leh. you all ah, all closet romantics man. :D

Immensely touched by the girls who accompanied me to bugis to pick out some party streamers, balloons, sparklers, and even the mini goodies to be packed into party packs for the kids. Kids meaning those under 7, i estimated maybe 8 will be there, but i have a dozen just in case. :)


I'm pretty psyched about the party that is going to start tmr! Only mood damper is the sorry-i-cannot-come messages, less than 24 hrs to the party. And i already have food catered. But im thankful that i have excuses to buffer the direct impact. Anyways, actions speaks intentions sometimes and im really surprised that friends bother to take time off to put up party decos with me tmr. Am very touched. I was tempted to launch into a sap monologue but restrained myself for 2 seconds . And just smiled a dainty uptwitch of the mouth, which belied the spewy goosebump thankyous inside. And so we sat along the way from bugis to sim lim square, just past the ratty tat hawker centre, which has really good chin chow fyi.


Kopi tiams are nice, the kopis are pungently bitter and leave a smacking aftertaste in your mouth. Something like durian. You love the cute smell that billows with every breath you take, your neighbour hates the stench with a roaring vengence. So you blow a small one just to see the irked up face of your neighbour. :D


I know tomorrow its going to be awkward, a case of too much attention, too much love. Birthday celebrations consists of too much a self-focus. Somebody suggested a photo montage detailing mini me to medium me to big me. Thats a Narcissus in full blown glory. I tsk-tsked at the idea. It is pretty surreal seeing people i know from different parts come together in one day.


Recess week is next up, and..have fun at aussie ms beeyoooteefoool! :) Btw, i lied that the tmr's theme party is Dots in Polka, to a friend. And added that there is ACTUALLY a choice between white based black polka or black based white polka. And specifically elaborated that small polkas have a slimming effect. It will be interesting if we see a lone ranger in retro fever tomorrow. I hope it isnt one sabo case. One thing that i insist on my way is the music on the play. Well, its from my ipod. So...:)

Happy 23rd Birthday my friend! Happy road tripping! Happy recess week to all! :)

Neutral

For a fact, disappointment doesnt eat you if there is little expectation. Even if there is a wee bit of that, most of the time we have no claim to question the whatever expectation. And it works both ways. And suddenly it feels liberated. With scant realisation what is given up , for that. Come to think of it, it is all but False sense of empowerment.

Resolute

Know of a house that sits atop a hill
The yawning chasm
Between the Vision tree and the Reality plant do you feel?
Surrenders its existence? It doesn't.


The Supreme Surrender i gather?
(yes)
Clipped the wings of the Happy Phoenix?
(no)
Dormant hopes cannot be fathomed.
Slithers a token flight, lands in a fix.


Its utter falsehood.
Sends images set mirages, flick on its fire.
Left in a quagmire.
Its danky grey mood.


Self-prerogative
Now what is this?
Logic crumples under the motive.
You couldnt have that missed.



I think I know.
I think its was a cloud.
I think its a agenda.
Now I think, i am confused.
Of the whatever intentions.



Walk the talk,
Talking as you walk.
Wade in the shallow pool..
Hmm, That-General-Conversation-Pool



Pull the stops.
These senseless talk.
Guilty as charged.



Wired within.
Perfecto.
Wireless with-Out.
Largo.
(so we never did comprehend)

Cliche dictates,
The devil or the big blue sea
The Vision or the reality tree
Have it stranded, that is what it makes.


Demolition of this House
A mere provocation of the shell.
I swear it doesnt get me.
Well,Just let the fire go, please don't have it doused.


Cleanse it, if you will.
Build another, if you must.
Nicely, if you can.
Commit, if you please.


Fragments of emotions
Dusky speck flew into my eye
All this shit. Tell me go seek contention.
Allow the biten dust to just die.


Punctuated feelings.
Everyone has That Spare to Boot.
Easy fixing does the filling.
Dash the commas, under my foot.



No, Babe, i'm not paraphrasing.
Stream of thoughts thats all to it.
Random musings
Murmured mutterings, silence it.


Now back to the House, with the trees.
Isn't it ironic?
The trees, semblance of authorities.
Its plain notorities.


Remember Eve's own prerogative?
The mirage, of self-proclaimed authority,
Fell prey to a Serpent's Motive.

Pray thee, its Bellicose-d Brevity

Really, I recognized

The speck of dust and me are the same size.

Flimsy, fluttering, floundering.

What else is there to it?

Beauty comes in Four-s.

Maybe the adjective comes in Fives.

I can't spill my mind.

Shyness has me bind.

Purge me thoughts?

Ought to, but (sigh) i just cannot!

Well...Heaven knows,

As i do a little furrow to my brows.

Entrust, says the Psalmist.

I am trying to internalise the gist.

Anyways, i Digressed.

Thoughts in molasses of mess.

Massive tinkerings

All I wanted to say, is of the following...

The House is still atop on the hill,
Lord, fill it if you will.
Seek residence in its soul.
Eternity, have it mould.

Do not forget to remember it.

Perfect Tense

*Grins, Giggles & Gaffaws!*

Red ear-ed Boy

Every school day is just ho-hum. Nothing wham bam interesting, no crazed person running around in red undies or what. So we, as in py and myself, seek joy in the most random and kiddy of things. Like there a random guy who looked quite good. So we stared and our gaze followed his steps all the way across the corridoor. Blatant staring. The poor guy was probably feeling abit awkward, his ears turned red. Anyways, i think the comm studies people have modules that are really interesting. Like py is filming a production, with a chase scene, lighting, editing. Sounds really fun! Well, at least they don't sell their souls unlike, ahem *biz* ahem *ness* ahem *folks*. :)



Sigh. Anyways, the standard chartered marathon is starting in 12 weeks. I have this recommended training schedule in front of me, it says...in order to do the entire marathon in less than 6 hrs, you need to do 8.5 min/km. Actually this information is snitched from Urban. Out of a whim, i hopped on the treadmill and realised to my dismay, that at a speed of 9.0km/hr, inclined 6%, i can barely sustain for 50 mins. Like that only 8 k, can forget about it already. FYI, if you want to do the marathon under 5 hrs, that is ard 6.5mins/km. Around 10km/hr, for 4 hrs odd! Geeze louise!! How to do that???



Haha...Strange. Is everyone feeling good? Did you have some intellectual thoughts today? Were you genuinely nice to the people around you? Did you give thanks? Hope it was a yes i did that and that and this and that! :) Happy?

I love to sit and talk under a tree, When there is no lightning. :)

Today's mood is well, moving up the ferris. Yesterday was really bad!Quite strange. I have this analogy of a Mood Ferris. When the mood feels really good, this mental image of a ferris pops in my head, and i think to myself, okay. So this is the top of the Mood Ferris. Tomorrow will only mean going on the downway path. Quite a dank grey thought. But when the mood is black, it can only mean One positivity. See, our world is governed by opposites. ;)


The 2 hrs sleep from the previous night was such a disappointment. Of course it didnt stem from raw studying (i hardly do more that what is required). I was reading a book by Scott Fitzgerald, titled, Tender is the Night. I got it off the rack from Borders last week, courtesy of random browsing. The cover caught my eye. It is in grayscale, and the girl in the picture looked trapped in her vulnerable thoughts. Anyways, the title was cheesy enough. Was thinking to self that this must be another forlorn love story, till i did a prata flip to the book.


It says.."desolation is a precondition of the lyrical....a beautiful novel about failure." How warped. But sounds intriguing. Yeah, so i scooted to the counter, with book in hand. :)


I digressed. Class was a-okay. Met Joanna out of pure coincidence at the free access. The girl was saying that she is pretty worried about not securing a job post-graduation. But her worries were not totally ungrounded. From what i learnt from her, accountancy grads usually secure a job placement with the firm they were interning for. Jo's sources? Her jc classmates rather. Haha..the hcjc-overachievers. :)


We plonk our arses at Cafe Quad, talking about the randoms. Like how in Spore, there is tax relief for wife support if your wife/ex-wife earns less than 2k a month, but apparantly, there is no husband support for that. Talk about gender equality. hmm! How a guy in his 50-s was paying 50k in taxes. Monthly, mind you. Not annually. And about backpacking spots. That really did psyched me up. :) Hee, and the taxable income for a typical fresh grad (assuming a salary of 2k) will be 3%, which works out to be 60 buckaroos. Hehh..Talked about how in fact, men are emotionally softer than the females. And that elderly suicide rates are climbing, where our sweet island got a 2nd placing for that. Something is really wrong! Elderly depression they call it. I'm a little afraid to venture my thoughts to there. Cause i really cannot attach a thought to that. Should i think happy line-dancing? Knitting furiously? Or?


Its good how we meet coincidentally everytime, and we yak and it brings us back to the good ol' Rv days. Sitting at staircase corners, without caring a little hoot that we were having white skirts on. Ah, miss those times so much. Who would want to do random things now? The Per/hr timings seem to be relegated to equate to a certain dollars, with a certain cents. With scant regard that you cant buy any happy sappy emotions at any cost.


The Heart bank is like an debit account. With no beg balance, no transfers in, only transfers out! This is SO Sad. Just thankful of the 2 hrs we spent.

It hit home hard, today that Time is such a determinent in the way God lays out his plans. Probably because i see it Right in front of me. Just like how you see the last train. A person sticks the head from the train window, and theres really nothing you can do but smile-and-wave like the three anal penguins in that magadascar movie. Its not half as funny as that. It doesnt feel good. Maybe you could smile, for good measure. How warped it is really.


As Time closes up, gaining some sort of mood control is something to deal with. All those laughing moments are like sparks of sporodica that comes whizzing, as fast as they come, they leave just as fast. Gee, i really shouldnt talk anymore. This is bad. Right now, i am trying to gain understanding of this word, contentment. And why is it missing, and heck, can i chase after That last train?

I love to go a-wandering

Now as we stood at a really awkward spot at New Asia's, Brendon, Bin & myself were reminising abit of the..hey-can-you-believe-that-was-3-years-ago? Yeap, really it flew. What i was mildly surprised was that the three of us never did hang out tog as a grp, in college, and Bren was in fact, quite convinced that Bin and friends disliked him. Which is not true of course. :) It is pretty interesting why we did meet up actually. It was half sporodic. Bren had a IT fair stint at NTU, and complaining about the lack of cuteycuties at SMU. He felt shortchanged. But that was WHAT he said about nj too. So it was a hey-im-coming-meet-me-in-sch-when-you-come-for-class-thing. But it didnt materialised.


I felt that i shld put in more effort in maintaining friendships, and so asked Bin, and himself out. Its just NICE seeing them. Not the best-est place to meet though. Some changes to newasia's it has turned out to look like chinablack, before it went busted. Techno lights flying ard, men who cannot dance to save their lives, trying to gyrate their hips, some ah tiongs hugging and kissing. But there was a techno version of Billie jean. Funny. It was till bren pointed it out when we were like..ooh ya ya! Never mind about the fact that the music was blasting, we were shouting and craning our poor necks to hear. we shld have met somewhere, even the foodcourt was a better place to meet. So i was telling bren we shld have more of these lets-meet-two-weeks-later thing. :)


So with Bren leaving us for a party elsewhere, Bin and I agreed to go walking a-random, quite a cockamamie decision really, considering it was Late. It had us buying a COKE LIGHT and the tetra pak TAU HUEY ZUI., and sitting and talking for really loong. Till i could sense the sheer happiness of the mosquitoes hovering ard, in blood-buffet mode. It was quite sick, having to scratch at those little bumps, then it swells a wee bit, and then cross an asterisk on the little bump. Logic behind? To quell and squish the bump, helps to reduce the swelling. Utter rubbish of course. But it Doesn't quite gimme one good scratch if i don't end it with a cross.


It was schweet talking to Bin, it has been so long! Since the jc days! Cannot remember how we got closer but, it just happens, like the same with Sihui. Well, it did make me sad to think how Sh and i had grown so far apart. We are now maybe like acquaintances with a past. :( Anyways, that night was simple. Just coke light, the zui, and us, and us on the bench. And that should be how a friendship should be.

Good time we had outside today over at Marina's. Ate at one of seafood bbq joints, the place looked dirty and all, BUT! it is the company. And thank goodness for 24 hr Macdonald's places! It allows for good yakking pleasure. Coke light is ACQUIRED taste. :)


Really, who can claim being happy as their prerogative? Its quite elusive, to me this entire thing about being happy. Its totally sight transparent, directions to it are quite hazy, but yet it can build the psych of a person up. So i guess the things that cannot be seen, are the most treasured. Because nobody can hold Happiness at ransom. And Happy is not sold off the racks.


Well, ok very well just admit to self that i'm not feeling gd. Its disheartening to be pointed out for not putting in the effort towards a friendship and when i did go out of the way to do smthg nice, its just off the radar. now i am doubtful. That despite all our rahrah sisterhood thing: is it more of a flashy display of affection, or just a thing of the past. That thought is having me feeling nauseated now. People have priorities, and oh, the building up of expectations is a strange forboding of its collapse. So very well. It just means one thing.