Ramblings

Life is just unfair for some people. They have bad recurrences that just keeps coming hot on their heels but they keep fighting back. As much as im in awe of their resilience, i also feel injusticed for them. I don't think they want others to sympathetize with their plight though. So i'm just impressed, fully impressed with them. It makes me think like how many things that i fret about really is damn trivial and selfish.



Actually, not daring to love is selfish itself. I always thought it was because the fear of losing your safety blanket yeap but apparently Sb read me something the other day which debunks what i orginally thought. Well anyways, its something i never realised.


Which brings me to the point of you cannot really believe everything said or heard cause people are random in general. Something along the lines of contemplating worse-case scenario in every scenario. Its pathetic and its sad and its pessimisstic. Hmm, but it also feels safer inside that you have thought about how failure comes before it coming, so the feeling may not be so raw when you feel it.


and then really after all i have been told, i have no idea what to believe. Everything is so here there and in the air, and confusing. pff.


This coming week is cell, im supposed to lead. Haven't been to cell for ages, so far from God and i'm not looking forward to it. Cause its a very strange feeling. Basically, like that of a major fraud case.
How do you put that in words.

Good mood

I'm just in a fantabulous mood today and decided to come right here and write this down. Count your blesssings they say right. Woo. See the mood is so darn good that i'm okay about compiling the report and the slides, which also means aligning and clicking on word count to rejoice in 3-word count reduction. (and 200 odd more to go). I don't mind!


Besides today i passed a fountain that squirts water in projectiles. And usually i'll roll my eyes wondering why for the love of pete, are those people over there admiring water squirts man?? Rolls 2 more centimetres backwards if they block my path in the process. But today having the good mood, i thought thank goodness for Physics that we can see such. Such graceful watersquirts! Sounds very incredulous, this new found level of appreciation. It rained bullocks today, and the wet soil was squishy enough for the snails to come out and breathe. And yeap, i smiled at the snails, and thought.."aww..what cute snails we have crawling in the soil....awww..are they chewing on that blade of grass for dinner...awwww."


Gee! I sound really whacked. -_-

Projects Powerpoint Presentation Perfect. Pfffff

Life is very ho-hum. Nothing absolutely blithsome to jump to. Only, the jacks. But calf-cramps make up good incentive to forget about the whole jumping jacks thing.


Scratch head moment came when i saw the skinny ginormous snowman that sits looking at the riverpath/stream/sea that seperates harbour front from sentosa. Can't miss the snowman, it is fairly conspicuous. Now i just noticed that we have many structures that overlooks various water sources. Sir Stamford and Merlion makes it two. I dont understand what statement this ellipsoid snowman is trying to paint per se. Maybe something like the strength of overcoming the tropical odds. Odd, a little bit cheesy la. But, its pretty cute for something that huge.


Anyways, the Straits ran an article on the 5 artsy structures at Vivocity where snowboy is. I appreciate the commentary and the way the government is diffusing art in various aspects. So to spur our arty juicies the articles poses a question for the public to meditate on...we could think "Like what the snowman is thinking about looking at the Merlion across the river."


What??!. That threw it off tangent a little.
Hmm.."i like your lazer eyes?"



Haha..I'm bored!!

Offlandish?

Just had a hogtied moment trying to solve a petty problem I couldnt solve. Rewind a bit to an atypical project moment, perplexingit was, trying to put your ideas across in exact replica to your Big Ideas. It started with small civilised hand movements, then soon we were gesticulating like madass gibbons at Mos. (the burger, not the ministry.heh) Inthe end we lost our patience in the finger airdance and decided yeah it is better to go old school chart drawing. And still we couldnt be on the same page.



Beats me man. Could be some ear filter or the sentence structure just doesnt appease the senses or what. Granted we finally flipped together on the same page, and started to bob on the same wavelength. Had to stifle a grin, picturing how ridiculous it may appear to the stray cat that was bumming around the side shrubs, "funny those white hairless apes". It just Proves that Meaning is in the person themself. Takes time and effort to understand. :)



Fyi, that was accounting project. No wonder accountants dont bother to talk. hahaha

潘玮柏-着迷mv


Haha..what does the lyrics say anyways ahhh?


Heee...sb..:D you there? vian? there? Hahaha..

Not Psyched

Listless attitude. Thats what it is and how it feels. Throw in a couple of sore throats and cramps, makes one competent week. Tomorrows one long day. In a bid to rev up The Life in general, i took up a part-time job. Anything to psych me up except project and tutorials. I feel so so tired of it. And I didnt manage to file for my psych minor, because of carelessness on my part.


So this week, the mood is in the gutters. Psych is the only thing that makes life less sickening. And yeap, i had to mess it up. Not to mention i cancelled out on several friends last minute, of which i drew a major flak from one friend. Some torrents of sms, and phonecalls. It was my fault anyways. Thats what you get when you have emotions all over the place, and you let them take the better. Sigh, im so drained. Tired is not the word, because i havent done anything substantial that warrants the use of the word "tired". In the end, i managed to placate my friend. Which really wasnt easy, because being the passive person i am, i will wait for the moment to pass. Hoping that everything will be fine tomorrow, or maybe the day after tomorrow. And urgh, it was a pain in the arse having to deal with such. Threw pride and ego out of the window.


Today was spent at the sobby free access. I looked around and thought this is such a cold clinical place. It made me positively sick in the gut at some points. Not the people, but the situation. And this entire flood of things just shot through. Quite overwhelming, but got to rein the brain back to project. We are doing Nokia in China. You know, i like the new topic. Its interesting enough for you to want to learn from it! Brights up my day that i'm doing this because i want to learn, instead of prostituting my time to get an A. Like Janice used to say, love the process. Generally that makes me grin, but when it comes to accounting, more like a grimace. Accounting is...like the itch in the middle of your back, that your just cannot reach to give it ONE GOOD SCRATCH.


Anyways...So happy, after this im done! Right now, it is numbness to the bone. I dunno, just very out of sorts! Dazed and unfazed.


Well, i guess its a matter how one thing after another adds on to your threshold. And really, theres no room for the cookie to crumble. Sometimes its not even about crumbling its about no oil to the engine. Even if its really bad, there is He to seek solace to. Just like a defiant kid who runs into shit, goes runnning to safe shores, yeeeap, i see myself in the kid.


Anyways, be strong. Your mind is as strong as you want it to be! I'm still all sourprunes over the psych messed-up. This is one painful lesson. Fabulous Crap :(

Whose Prerogative is it anyways?

"I've got a right to be wrong
I've been held down too long
I've got to break free
So I can finally breathe
I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key
But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong
So just leave me alone"
(right to be wrong...)

Gee..this sounds like some teenage scremo yeap? No la...the song is SO mellow really. It is very liberating, the song in its entire. I mean this week has been pretty rough for me. Not been too fantastic. So it soothes my bruised ego.


I was watching a documentary with my dad on discovery channel. It was about a girl's pursuit to go from Suzhou to Beijing Opera School. Its very prestigious. There are only 40 slots a year, and people really slog their guts out to even smell the air in the audition room. To us, living here, Singing opera must be the last thing on our mind. Not that it WAS implanted there in the first place. But im sure i dont know of anyone who is loves opera with The Permeating Passion. Ok, my point is that, everyone seems to be doing the same thing here, the same safe route down a beaten track. Not that its bad, per se. Its just the same path.


It was really inspiring. My dad and i we dont have a chummy relationship like i punch his arm, and he ruffles my hair. Not that type. Its the typical chinese parent and chinese kid relationship. So yeap, we were saying that you only know the life that you were born into. And so its our "right to be wrong"!, make mistakes, fall into a couple of booby traps (no pun intended ;)]..


I just feel that Perfection is over-rated. The perfect life, the perfect job. Motivational talks. All these has been sowing the high oats in people's head. Impregnate our minds... these oats really sows discord between what you want to do and what you have to do sometimes.

The Lone Ranger

I really like this 4 frame shots of this lone seagull strolling the beach. Seagull walks, prints on sand, walks on prints disappear, and one last shot of its tailfeather. So grey yeah. I must say there is something abit melancholic about this. How its almost never possible to leave permanent prints on anything. [lets not go into that :( ]See, even the seagull looks the part. Morose, stoic, moodless.


But well, the seagull was just scouting for a accidental tilapia that beached itself on shore. The tilapia that i stung side-fin. "Gee, no luck today. Pffff" Ah, ok that explains the morosity. Morosity, morosity, is there such a word morosity.



Maybe its taken from a misanthropic angle. Not so grey anymore right! Sigh. Beneath all the banality from this side, the photog has captured the melancholy from the other side. And the easy comfort that comes with each detached step. I think being misanthropic and being melancholic both share a similar thread of detachment. Methinks just a different disposition. One angsty, one gloomy. Pretty interesting.


And so it continues to trot on..trot trot trot..:D