Criticisms are often critical as it deflates the ego or the psych of a person.


Oh well, blowing the proverbial trumpet (and nothing else) by saying that I love straight in your face kind of criticism so long as they are honest. Now who am I trying to kid?


Oh well, what you don't know cant kill you? Bullshit. Both what you know and what you don't see can also kill you. People have died of arsenic poisoning when it was laced in their vacinity. Nothing pretty about the lace here, 'cept that something deceptively sweet and innocent and harmless can kill you. It is the tip of the iceberg principle. Just because you see a little tail jutting out from the bushes doesnt mean you it is a harmless weasel of a snake. The little tail could jolly well belong to a deadly python.


Watch out man. Don't ever underestimate people. You never know what brilliance they withhold beneath the humble exterior, nor the deceptive pleasant look which maybe a mask to some meaner stuff.


I shudder at that thought. But seeing and hearing and feeling constitutes believing. If it is not convincing enough, just think...if one cant trust 3 of 5 senses, then life must be a robotic regurgitation.


More than meets the eye, a reminder to myself; cannot underestimate.

Quirky one liners, quirky thoughts, quirky dress sense, quirky face, quirky jokes, quirky friends, quirky comments.

Quirks up the perks in life, I guess!

Bottomline is that I've gotten myself a quirky green bag!

random

Okay, I shamelessly snitched this lime green looking oblong faced cartoon from a website! Cause it just looked weird. Haha.. today was a slow slow one. Felt really sluggish and all, even shuffling the feet feels like a majorly big chore. Ya..it is THE second day, and I'm contributing big sales to the kotex company. Bloated stomach, tired eyes, basically feeling like a whale. But totally not having a whale of a time. gosh. Damned this bleeding spot.


I am reading this collection of mini stories and it really got me sucked in! The colourful jumpy language was like a fiddle to my ears. Interesting! But it is not serious reading, more like lounge reading, bordering towards chick lit. People always paint of picture of stiff-necked Brits, people refering to americans? All those Englishmen jibes. The thing is Brit humour is really more standard then the americanised kind of humour. American humour is mostly sleaze and just lame jokes where you need to press the play button to bring on the cheesy canned laughter in the background. Something like what they do in Mediacorp dramas, a cacophony of constipated laughter that is cued to rattle on after a character babbles a not-so-funny joke. I like Brit humour, the sarcasm I like best.


Humour saves the day. Learn to laugh at ourselves really does release tension. It helps if you are a big joke by yourself.

i went to the candy shop!

Can't help but feel like a fictional character at times, operated by an omniscient director which is incidentally your very same self. No emotions, but as do all amateurish actors do, place yourself in the situation and try to feel what the character may feel. Happy setting? Cue polite smile, hearty laughter (how ironic when the heart is actually the seat of emotions), say the same type of sentences day in day out, it sounds like a mindless regurgitation. Oh ya, rely on emoticons. =)



Today went on like clockwork. My bro's a happy boy today, cause we did tuck into posh nosh for dinner. I went to Candy Empire, the new candy shop at Millenia Walk. Was reduced to a little kid, I was genuinely smiling in my heart as I roamed around the shop, couldnt help grinning to the glow worms and nerd sticks on the shelves. But a wee bit of disappointment as I was trying to look for "lama spit" but there wasnt any. Anyways, it was really this happy shop with sweets we never see in Singapore. There was this twiddly looking thin and long gummy, spider gum ball, liquorice choc with absolut vodka, skittles in gum or rum, looney tunes in jelly, colourful jelly beans in strings, honey mustard twists, cinnamon stuffed cookies, barbie and ken sparkly candy. Spent almost 20 mins in awe of those happy looking sweets, it just fascinated me as a rattle would fascinate a tottering little kid. Funny how some cutesy shaped things can take your mind of the mundane project meeting that was before that. The boring drones of presentation, the mechanical ways of speaking, which I think it is how sad and how ironic, to have to reduce human communication to a textbook theory. It is all factual and methinks that it is almost fraudulent, having to ease around something negative and to leave the other person going away feeling like it was ok. Talk about creative manipulation of emotions.



Oh well, I digressed. The Candy Empire has this really huge array of choc and marshy marshmellows where you can pick and choose from. And even beef jerky in different shapes! i thought that beef jerkies were meant for jerks..haha, i actually thought they were dog chow cause it is hard as stone. But apparently, there were really pretty packaging of beef jerkies. The chocolates really win hands down buttcheeks down. It was so whimsical, the way some of those chocolate were teased into really eye-catching packs, with some little toy stuck to its end. There was this particular lolly with a tick-tock toy that was damn cute, and I got that for Sheryl cause it is just the perfect mid-afternoon surprise for a primary one girl. And so, my loot was quite a few items! I got cappucino toffees, mini choc wafers (those that are damn damn itsy bitsy kind), honey mustard twisteroos, and chesse twisteroos. Wow! But the rest was for my bro, I took the toffee only.



It just made my day. And then I remembered the assignments.


Really. Somethings are better left unexplained.


The candyman can cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good...









Happy faces are nicer to see.

So fold that sullen face up and place it in the closet.

random sporadic bouts of sappiness

A few precious stolen moments is all that we shared...
though i try to resist being last on your list,
but no other man's gonna do,
so i'm Saving all my love for you.


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


Tall and tanned and young and lovely the Boy from Ipanema goes walking...
when he passes each one he passes go mmmm...
...but each day when he walks to the sea he looks straight ahead but not at me


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


And so now I come to you with Open Arms,
nothing to hide,
believe what I say..


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


You doing That thing You Do,
breaking my heart into a million pieces like you always do..
and you told me to be true,
never even knew about the heartaches that I've been going thru..


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


How I wish I, wish I've done a little more
now Shoulda Woulda Coulda means I'm out of time,
Shoulda Woulda Coulda can't change your mind
And I wonder, wonder what I'm gonna do,
Shoulda Woulda Coulda are the last words of a fool.


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


Say My Name, Say My Name,
when no one is around you,
say baby I love you


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


Promise Me, you'll wait for me
cause I'll be saving all my love for you
and I'll be home soon..
Promise Me, you'll wait for me
I need to know you feel the same way too,
and I'll be home, I'll be home soon..


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


Cause you make me feel, you make me feel,
you make me feel like a Natural Woman..


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


Love Will Lead You Back, someday I just know that.
Love Will Lead You Back into my arms, where you belong
Sure..sure as stars that are shining,
one day you will find me again
It wont be long,
one of these days our Love Will Lead You Back..


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


Strumming my pain with his fingers,
singing my life with his words
Killing Me Softly with his songs,
Killing Me Softly with his songs,
telling my whole life with his words,
Killing Me Softly, with his songs..


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


Don't go changing just to please me...
I Love You Just The Way You Are...


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


Boy..I Think That I'm in Love With You..
got me doing silly things when it comes to you
Boy, I Think That I'm In Love With You,
got me telling all my friends how I feel for you..


** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **


Its All About You, Its All About You baby
Its All About You, Its All About You...



There goes..sappy songs that gets me with a cringe of my heart
Seems utterly cheesy when you are cynical, so emotional when you are sappy.
That does it! =)

wham bam thank you m'am

Updates on the coming weekend..


Tomorrow would be a long long day of tuition, project meeting in town and meeting with friends for a drink after alls done..then it will be tuition early in the morn on sunday, and a dinner with my family to celebrate my little bro's b'dae.


What a heck of a weekend!


Today I went west mall and spent almost 6 hours yakking with Wx. It is great catching up with him, we haven't exactly sat down and talk for so long. It was like talking at the food court, then down to West Mall coffee bean and then to Sakae. Yes, he kena conned into going West Mall, although he protested against being conned, but still! And wow..it was like unleashing the crouching tiger hidden dragon from within. It was good conversation as well! Hahah..wham bam thank you m'am ah!


Met Py yesterday too at Jp, but it was a kinda short meeting cause it was late by the time we were supposed to meet. Was really tired by the time I went home.


I found out yesterday that Damien actually lives at Jade. The condo beside West Mall..hmm..okay..now that is really kind of near. I still have a pretty good impression of him, he comes across as being really interesting to talk to. But then again, this could be probably just the beginning..


Hmm..feelings are something hard to justify. It is even harder to justify a lack of it. Hard to justify the general numbness that goes down with it as well. Oh well, if it happens, it just does.


Hey it is not that damien from my friendster laaa, ah fart!

lo down on the low down!

Feeling really skippetty cause I have gotten my fucking irritating assignment out of the way! Yes. Ok..maybe not all cause I have yet to finish the chi-square test thing. Ah..I feel like a fraudster man. Hahah..cause there is this observation study for one of my module. I did two obeservations one on shampoo purchase, the other on coffee joints, just to see which works. Well, the fact is Singaporeans are homogenous..for example..Like practically everyone queues up for freebies (which i do shamelessly), queue up for toto (which i don't). Basically everyone queues up! So how can you actually tease out any semblance of group tendencies of one group from another when mostly everyone operate on herd instincts. Then like that Si! already lor.
Observe simi?


So limpeh bohpian, doctored the results to suit my thesis. If not ah, wait long long also cannot finish. Major fraud totally! But it doesn't hurt if the tutor doesn't know. But really its pure torture having to observe people doing things, shampoo section is not really my idea of a rock concert, so as i observe and observe until damn sian already I find my legs twiddling towards the sweet aisles. Finally I just cant take it, I just take my Werther's Original and call it a day. C'est la vie!


My luck at coffee bean is not any good either. Actually it is just a flimsy excuse to go lim kopi, at a place I love to go. But at least it was better than the shampoo pooh-pooh..but my ipod was a distraction. Once i listen to 50 cent I cant think! It feels like a million meixcan beans jumping beneath my skin and i so desperately need to move. I can only think listening with andy lau's songs cause basically I'm not listening. **snigger**


Maybe should have done observational research on human reactions with regards to listening to these two types of songs. I am actually quite certain that i'll have better luck at this, given the fact that the results would really be blatantly apparent! =)

all the literals

A toothy smile, as in literally.
It-is-a-ballgame, as in literally.
Black faced, as in literally.
Love is blind, as in literally.

Cat fight, as in literally.
Head over heels. as in literally


Monkey crap, as in literally.

Its a small world after all!

My mum's birthday is today! But she's going abroad tomorrow. Such a major bummer. Anyways, I was wondering if I took any friends for granted, since ah dot and i were on this topic whilst yakking on the phone some hours ago. I really hope i have not given any of my friends this feeling, cause it is really yucky not to be appreciated.

Friendships arent hotels.

You cant check in as and when you want and expect all the service staff to be on alert fot your red-carpet arrival, nor can you screw your friend, inside out, upside down (when i mean screw i mean figurative mental fuck) and then piak-piak backside and just zao.

I got my fair share of that, so it sucks really. So hence, the conscious effort not to do that to my friends, especially people I really treasure. To be honest, I do know that I have taken some friends for granted, and really kind of hope they didnt realised really.

Like a particular friend who went to switzerland, I din go airport to send the friend off, nor did i go out to lunch with the friend. I felt bad afterwards but it is kinda pointless cause the friend is not here.

Hmm..anyways, the world is really kinda small cause I just realised that May-Ann is my friend's tutor. Such a coincidence! By the way, I chanced upon a new found friend called Damien whom I think is quite nice, as in similar interests and all, and really nice people like Lynette and Regina, who happen to be good friends with Wx as well.

Its a small world after all!

I really like this kitty. Snitched it from a website and I forgot where i got it from. The pussy, I mean kitty, is not dead, just playing dead. I love the way it lies on its back with this paws stuck in the air. Love it!

sad to happy!

It sinks my heart a little as I see the familiar nick pop up from the sidebar, and see the online status beside the name but it makes me feel so helpless as I stare down at in. Sometimes i stare so hard, the name whirls into a blur before my eyes. It makes me sad to know that even having a decent conversation is so not a possbility.


So i muster up a muscle to click on the name and see the msn display pic. Gee..it gets me once again. Like who am i trying to kid? As if it helps that I always cheat myself into believing I have no ounce of emotions, into thinking that yah, everything happens for a reason, and yah, the fact that I am going out with other guys means that i',m free from this emotional weight. The fact that I sometimes speak in riddles cause I really don't want to seem as though I am, still am, harping about the same old issue.


But the thing is the vibes a person gives you is simply irreplaceble. It cant be transfered from one to another. The walks will be something I remember, and now at retrospect, I feel almost guilty for not treasuring the moment so, as I was walking alongside with him. The times over lunch, and on the mrt.


Maybe it is all jolly well a figment of my imagination. I dont even know what to think. Can't help but wish that the attention I get from some others was actually from the person I would really want it to come from. Too bad. Things happen for a reason, and i hope the reason was for the good. However it is.


Anyways, on a lighter note, I had gotten a wee bit closer with my french classmates, we have this little clique that seats at the back. Joel, Boon hoe, Clarence, Jiahui and myself. Nicolas was rather amused by the way we laughed at everything. The way he says "i think we have a little something at the back" with his french accent was so wooah! Biz comm class was good as well. I really like Regina alot, she has this innocent air and dizzy thing about her, I cant help being really attracted to her as a friend.


After that I met Py to go fiesta for dinner, and it was so embarrassing cause I had forgotten to bring my atm along and she had to pay first. Before meeting her, I chanced upon wx, jack, chris and their friend, whose name i cant remember although I shook hands with him and we introduced ourselves. How sad. Haaha..anyways, i told wx that prior to meeting him, i had already this gut feeling that told me that I would meet him. During the wait, I saw Faye running towards the bus when it came, but before i could shout to her, she boarded the bus! So, it was going to dinner with wx and friends, actually seeing them eat, before meeting Py for dinner.


So there, a boring account to my boring day. But no actually I thought i was pretty uppity today, maybe it is beacuse tomorrow I am getting my tuition pay and the first thing i am gonna do is get my fingers on the Memoirs Of A Geisha. I saw the book sitting pretty on the book shelf and it was just calling out my name, so i blardy have to get it. It has this air of period drama eroticism plus some foggy far away in the pages of history feel. And and and, yes. I am gonna get myself one good pair of birkenstocks. And with that, and by the way, there is really no more and, cause by then I'll be as penniless as a drain rat. But a very happy drain rat with that being said.


Oh by the way, weixiong, enough enough said! Still I am very touched by what you said over msn! And the dd dollies!


So i bless you with jobs aplenty! So there will never be a period of unemployment for you.


oh wait. Wx only wants hand and blow jobs.

go go go shorty its your birthday!

Saturday was a real tiring one, I had slept a very mearge 45 mins from 8 am to 845am. It was pure torture, having to drag my lazy and sleep-deprived self out of the bed. But the rest of the day went on well, I must be surviving on adrendaline for the rest my waking hours. Anyways, Esther got her license and I'm real glad for her. But it was real funny seeing her drive, on the way to send Jorina back. It din help that I was giving her wrong directions throughout. Sporodic "turn here!" and not there. I maintain that it was Joel's head that was blocking my view. Hmph..

Chris' residence at Pgp looked real comfy. The rest of us were spending time in one of the conference room downstairs for cell. I haven been to cell regularly and it was nice seeing them, though i must say that the journey to Pgp was not enjoyable cause its really deep deep inside. Oh wells, at first I was thinking of staying over at Chris' place, just to talk cock and gripe about life. But but but..the lack of sleep has really sunk deep into my (lazy)bones..i so badly need to jump into my bed. Hee..hey Chris! Next time on!

Sunday morning rain is falling, nice weather, too bad cannot sleep in. Tuition, had church, saw a person, made my day. Grinned aplenty to myself, to congratulate me for my good luck, that I coudldnt help smiling to the plants when I went on my way. Methinks its kinda like a childish whimsical joy. I looked back, saw nobody, and half-skipped, half-jumped along the happy little lane. Till I turned my head right, and saw a group of staring Banglas. Great. But what the heck. Thats the thing..it is hard to spot them at times, cause they sit around in the most obsure places. It feels schizo to be sniggering to myself, like some kind of a private joke where only me, myself and I understood the anal-ity of it. But it feels so fuzzy! I did talk a bit, joked a bit, smiled a bit, teased a bit, poked a bit, with the person. Dinner meeting arranged next week..woots!

And and and! Soh Peiyu turned a big 2-0 yesterday. She is no longer a teeny-bopper anymore, thats what I reminded her. Good golly miss molly! But anyways, I haven seen Py going insane before, she's all mature and steady, and calm. Even when she was in Primary one, dressed in that ridiculous fish costume, she looked calm. However stupid that looked, I have the picture to vouch. But what can I say? I tore my skirt before that same performance and went on stage in a tattered state. That was in Primary one. In Primary two we joined this kiddy fashion parade thing, along with 6 fellow grouchy kids. She was contestant number 5, I was 3. I also have the photo to vouch. Reason why I remembered so clearly was because when they announced the winner, who was contestant 4, limpeh stepped forth happily, and the spotlight shone on me, and I was surrounded in a pool of light. Both in the literal and figurative sense. A blundering idiot i was, only to be dragged back to position by an auntie-in-charge to my spot, where I am proud to say that I got a consolation prize. No prizes for guessing that it was no inch of a consolation since all the losers got it. So they are into the win-win situation kind of thing. But anyways, I remained grouchy and was really pissed with that boy, contestant number 4 who stole my spotlight and thunder. Still remember his name, Ding Wei. Oh ya, Py also didnt won. But funny thing is that we didn't talk until P3 where we were in the same class.

So we used to call each other over the phone and play this juvenile singing game, where one person will sing two lines of a song and the next person will continue. The one who breaks halfway loses. This is quite an expensive game, considering that we sang for about two hrs each time, about thrice a week, for about one yr. Primary 4 was spent playing zero-point, but Py left for another primary sch in p5, and we didn't keep in contact since.

It was only in Sec 1 that we met again, this time in rvncc. But the chemistry we had in primary sch was as good as gone. She was more serious, I was more ridiculous, so it was hard to find a meeting ground for both. It was only till sec three, where the common topic of class dances and anti-nc sentiments that drew us together. This period of time was marked by frequent trips to coffee bean, with the " one ulitmate mocha ice-blended, regular, no whip thank you's". Come to think of it, it is why I have this fuzzy feel about coffee bean, cause all my closest friendships where established there, all established through conning them to go West Mall coffee bean because the ambience is really good, but actually cause it is very near my house. Anyways, they saw through my lame reasonings, but still came nonetheless, cause the ambience at West Mall Coffee Bean is reeaalllyy good. Hahaha

Woah i seriously digressed, when all I intended was to wish Py a goody birthday. So anyways..
birthday song for you!


go go go shorty its your birthday!
we're gonna party like its your birthday!
we're gonna sip bacardi like its your birthday!
And you know we DO give a f**k cause its your birthday!

hoots! Holy cow! You are getting old already!

haha...ooh gtg..help my bro with his Psle..that little dizzy fry is growing up sooo fast..
mock frown..heeeee

did you quite see it?

The second fiddle is NOT GOOD to fiddle with.
Waiting in anxious expectancy. Nervous (butterflies of) happiness in the pit of the stomach.
--But the start is not quite the end.--
Turns to passive (moths of) disappointments in the pit of the stomach.
I can't stomach the extremes of emotions.
The hot, the cold, the cold and the hot,
is nulling my senses to a bare minimum.
Till everything gets shaken up,
like shaken kaleidoscope, you get a different formation with each toss. Nothing quite the same.
But soon, you start to get sick of subsequent tosses.


Anyways,


The boy cried wolf thrice before the villagers apparently got so freaking sick of his cries.
They just left the boy on the mountains for the third time.
You see,
there is a limit to everyone's patience.
Three times a row does it! (hmph.)
Don't push the limit.


For there is always a saturation point for patience,
for which the solvent will no longer dissolve any of it.
It left a stubborn residue.
A residuous boy on the mountain.
Except now it is for GOOD.

--The start is really not quite the end--

i am throwing in the proverbial towel.

toodles

Things in life are so funnily framed at times. When you want smthg, it eludes you, when you don't quite see the need for it anymore, it starts gravitating towards you. Reverse psychology is it so? I don't quite have a answer for it. Just reached home from dimsum dollies. Thank you Wx, very very much. It was very caberat rah-rah kind, props was good in a flashy way. Think feather boa and many many many sequins, with bright psychedelic colours. Yum yum it is. How nice it is to be on stage and just play a character, someone ficticious and not quite yourself. Climb into their skin, feel the way around. Should be quite fun, really. Letting the bulk of your imagination take you through that character. Pretty interesting aint it? I was particularly impressed with Hossan Leong. That guy is good. Oh well, everyone was good actually. Satirical humour was the main course, and throughout they were delving quick jibes to basically anything and any topic that itself is a representation of S'pore. Lots of sexual puns. Those were my favourite. I always loved puns for some strange reason or another. Things that are seemingly the same, yet so different intrigues me to say the least. Something like the topsy-turvy perspective. I thought the "our future lies in your hands" was sooo...in your face kind of thing. Crass but ridiculously funny. Towards the second half of the show, I couldnt exactly concentrate..my thoughts were drifting so I din really register the second half. Oh ya..one complaint! Haha..the advertisement in the show was really blatant, it kinda tainted the essence of the show abit, by reminding us that ya..arty farty is one thing, commercialised fartiness it was indeed. A tinge of bitterness A thought of sadness A dash of jealousy A flow of questioning A speck of imagination A touch of humour A sense of wonder A pinch of salt A dust of endearment A dream a little dream of you.

Tra laa laa..I am so asking for trouble. Assignments not done and here i am, typing happily away. Need to poop around blogspot for awhile, before grudgingly going back to my stuff. I am glad that conflict is resolved, and all is good. Thankfully. Honestly, the person meant a great deal to me, if not I wont bother at all. Being the passive bum as I am, I kinda surprised myself with the emotions that the person managed to elicit out of me. But the point is all is good, is good, finally good. I have no whiny complaints or whatsoever. Hmm..ok..maybe the part about all the assignment deadlines conveniently parking their damned timeslots on the same freaking day on my calender..i swear on my crossed-eyes, and crossed-fingers that I have NO MORE complains. Tee hee..as if I have a calender in the first place. Wahah..figurative one maybe. Thats prolly why i keep forgetting things. Anyways, I digressed terribly. Ok..finally after like for-what-seemed-like-eternity (gee! i'm dipping my fingers into the cliche pot!)..managed to meet with citibank friends. Miss them like apeshit! It brought back a lot of fond memories like how we would be so darn saccharinely sweet and courteous on the phone, but once with the phone hung up, the string of glorious vulgarities will start spewing freely from our filthy gaps. Soooo hypocritical. After my short stint at citibank, I started to get a wee bit paranoid when I am making any phone enquiries, wondering at the back of my head if I would be cussed at for whatever reasons after I hung up. Anyways, that was not the point I was trying to make. It really seems very interesting to me that they everyone present seemed to have progressed into the next stage of their life. Yep..the hallowed holy matrimony! Ooh, safe except for Louise and Jessica, who have already stepped across that line. The conversation was pretty all about reminiscing (spell check?) about the past and an update on our individual lives now. I always love gatherings, simply because they tweak the ah Zor in me. The chatty talking about the good old days, with a drink and dimmed lighting, just yakking the night away. So there was frequent bouts of laughter and it was good to be around their company. But there was this gasbag who talked a bit too much about himself, not that we all were very interested, but other than that, i am genuinely glad that there was such a gathering I guess things have been looking up these days, it is sort of like the wheel of fortune in Ant & Cleo? If your luck has been down, the only way you go is upwards. So the worrywart in me thinks that is seems to better to be down, so you are always on the upwards go, rather be up and the only direction to head too, is south. Its kind of a warped logic, but never mind, I have always subscribed to weird explanations to things. But it is always more interesting, more quirky, more engaging, more intriguing, more entralling, (...blah blah) to look at things upside down from the norm. Trust me, the perspectives that you get from a topsy-turvy view is fun! Makes life a little more oooh-laa-laa. yes, like that. I don't quite know what word to use to describe that feeling. But hey, I am not asking you chee ko peh to see a topsy-turvy world from like..haha..you know what. Never mind. Oh gee..i need to do what I have to do. Which is to go and sleep. Assignments? Can always wait for tomorrow la..limpeh here is about to fall off my blue swivel chair and unto my fluffy buffy very comfy bed... everyone say it with me...Aaaaaaaaahhh...

The day is getting better. More things to do, more action, less time for random thoughts. Anyways, I have got to go give tuition later,which I really kind of dread, but i really kind of have no choice cause if I want to have a more comfy life with not-so-tight finances, then just a girl has gotta go what a girl's gotta do. Then probably going harry's later to just poop myself there for a little while. Just for fun.

dimsum steaming

going to watch


DIM SUM DOOOLLLIESSSS

THANKS My dear friend for giving me tix. honestly i really really appreciate it that you remembered a casual remark i made. Maybe it may seem not really impt to you, but ah it feels darn good. Not so much from getting the free tix, but because a friend remembers! =) its just comforting you know.

Din dae is going to Switz. hOPE she can cope there. hmm..

today it wasnt too bad cause somehow, im getting numb again. gOood. as much as being close to someone feels good. but somehow there is always this level of expectation, even if you constantly remind yourself not to expect. Like accusing a friend not to take you for granted seems wrong cause you shouldnt expect to be treated like this precious little bundle by ur friend right.? Qy can be so at ease maybe because of this easy come easy go attitute. Nothing pinches.

I dunno la. but it wasnt too bad since i just decided to let go.cannot cannot expect. cannot be taken in by words. cannot be indifferent to others. but emotional smoke gets in ur eyes, and it sends a little tear down, then a fucking downpour.

then just makes me fucking pissed, like cry for fuck?

such a fuck of a wussy. argh. no need to say anymore.

The bewilderment is crazy. It spins my head crazy. I am darn pissed. A tad hurt. So it's all a bag of sweet endearing terms. Crunch time? It just gives way. But again, I must not expect much from anyone cause they dun owe it to me to be nice to me or what. That means I dun owe it to them to be there when they need me right? Two way traffic. Sorry.? I'm sorry for being unsorry to that sorry. . . ... .... .... hurting!! ..

It is really quite unnerving to say the least when you find yourself tearing up on bus 179, when the bus is quite packed. I couldnt help it at all, the tears just fell, half in anger half in pain. So i suppose the whole thing just stings. Stings to know that a stranger, oh well, 2 strangers, oh well, kinda surpasses everything. It's so odd. When 12 hrs before and 12 hrs now, the mood changes completely and so does the one's relative importance. Well, oh fuck it..everything is relative. Nothing such as my fucking feelings is ever reaslistically objective. Never mind..lets just take something sucky and painful and turn it into one fatass joke. At least i am still human, still have enough feelings to expererience that kind of physical heart-ache, and sufficient emotions to tear up. But who really cares abt how anyone feels huh? Say say only what, i love you, you love me. But it still hurts, like alot. When you are feeling so damn concerned, and worried and what?! Maybe i just have exaggerated emotions beneath the expressionless face. But it hurts it really really hurts. Just don't go breaking my heart. I am really just a closet emotional wussy. But damage is done.

Went out and just came back. Went wala. 2 person went, many appeared. Some new, some already know but haven seen and talked properly. So there was sb, her friend, germaine, whose friends are brian and leann, whose friends are caroline and julian, oh ya, whose one other of sb's friend..ahem is kenneth. Ya. Singapore is That small. Band was ok, okay-ly noisy. The music. Bah. interesting people, different faces cause some of them din grow up in spore and arent in spore. interesting interesting.=)

I am in absolute awe of my butter fingers. This is so fun..I typed one entry, an accidental spasm resulted in a touch of the "backspace'' button, and all gone. Anyways, I was thinking that it is always better to resolve problems that really gets to you, rather than to sweep the dirt off the bed and under the carpet.

Still feeling buggered up by the ancient issue. Just when I thought all was done, it just comes back like a festering idiot and hovers around. Gives an occasional pinch (not amorous pinches, please), but those that hurt and leaves you with bruise. The more you try to rub it so that it would hopefully go, it decides to turn redder than the baboon's bright auburn arse, to remind you of its existence, presence and omnipotence. Thats why, always resolve issues on the spot. (how ironic for me to comment on this.) Well at least I am like trying to attempt to give it a shot to learn to...ah whatever.

Poke me in the eye. Yay...the best is yet to me. GAH.!

nothing quite so "scenic" like the bloody "cynic" in me.