Con me, fuses it.

If ironic was the order of the day, what tiles the surface and what forms the surface is of two different composite altogether. Words can fabricate. Emotions, which are more spontaneous than words, hardly. I'm mildly amused, mildly sickened. Well anyways, unhappiness usually sets in when nights are spent mulling over the uncontrollable. Whats behind can disintegrate the present pysche. Something like Lot's wife. Helplessness, likewise, is the confused mother of exasperation. You want it, can't have it, fret over it, mess with it.


Come to think. Its actually very simple, forthcoming, easy to comprehend. But why isnt that my way?? My only understanding is: Cause it ain't your highway. And thats why, window shopping never gratifies. Flightly relationships, will never satisfy.


..take it easy. See how it goes lor...

Musings

Last night..or rather 2 nights ago was the start of the Alpha course at church. There were new friends and they brought along questions with them. One of the reason cited about why they seek for The One, is because everything that surrounds is simply far too intricate and too perfect for it to be the moulded by the hand of evolution or the combustion of the big bang. I was sitting there thinking, hmmm..total concurrence. Its quite scary how societal benchmark progresses. Achievements are marked on a deductible scorecard, which essentially picks out faulty points and render it, well i suppose its less than complete and probably "room for improvement". Its as though perfection is the absolute threshold. No wonder people get disillusioned. But strangely, the perfect rhythms of seasons, days, time..(i'm tempted to say menstrual cycle, but on second thought, this is by far, the most erratic cycle i've seen & pms is never perfect, so thats out of point)...it never fails. The sun's always up, the days just keeps going. But even this perfection is taken for granted. Like how sometimes the scorching sun finds itself the subject of some free-spirited swearings. :(



Ok, moving on to happier things. There was ONE question that i think many, if not all could identify with. The question on WHY prayers seem to be unanswered, and along with this nagging gee-am-i-talking-to-myself (??!!!)suspicion. It seems to be so for certain occasions. But if you were to look back at the series of events, coupled with all the signs, it probably makes you go..ah, that was a sign of encouragement that speaks of the lesson on patience. Honestly, i was just so overwhelmed. In a good way.



Seperately, Py's back from US. :D I don't know if she thinks its a good thing though. But for the rest of us here, i'm sure it is! Let me paint a situation. People, in general are like careless travellors in an airport. You go to several locations, and it seems that no matter where you transit, no matter how you psych yourself not to leave anything behind, but still, cannot help leaving a little of yourself at some unexpected corners. That, is the emotional baggage left behind. Sometimes we can go back and pick it up, sometimes it gets lost...and in the second instance, what is left may be a stamp right on the pages of the memory which speaks history of the footprints. That is why the stamp is a reminder of a happy point.You can see it in either ways. Holy cow, the blasphemous uncertainty!, or.. there will be more happy points to fill up the empty pages. It's all in the mind. Maybe if you are lucky, you may get to meet someone who shouts and pouts just the way only you will understand. Maybe that person was there to be your Perfect Default.


Gee, i really love this phrase "perfect default". It sounds so wrong, but yet SO damn right. :D

Glad :D

Weekends are pretty indulgent, as it allows for time to do the sweetest things that the weekdays will forbid. A long talk with the best friend was really good. In depth conversation is what constitutes a proper relationship, a proper knowing. With trust as the equation, and Him as the centre, it just makes the friendship much more resilient. Its not easy to get there though. To talk freely, would mean ripping off those self-styled facades. It's more nude than nudity. Presses all the right buttons, caused some stirrings, hmmm… somewhere towards the left. The heart that is. Haha..dirty thoughts don’t make you a better person. ;)



It’s nothing new actually, just a newfangled spin on an oldfangled topic. The root of existence, the well of happiness, the blight of sadness, the sucky nature of gainful/painful employment, the importance of being earnest, the abundant Love. What I adore about her is her innocence and the free-spirited loving. I don’t see truthfulness to such degree. And that gentleness, may I add? There’s so much talk that subscribes Life as the proverbial set of chess. Strategy. Human pawns. Which is so incredibly ironic, that is if you do the Chess thing perfect, you will be the only glorious soul remaining. In such a way that we forget that the person beside is a real human with feelings and emotions. Sometimes, it really does slip the mind especially when said person starts throwing around some poppycock nonsense. Thankfully, she was there like a beacon of light. The glow of light, cheesy at times, but warm always. A blessing to have met you, have you around through all this while. :)



thank you so very much!

woohoo!

Blogspot may be passe but there's this little voyeuristic streak in people that calls for a release, in some way or the other. More so in a random virtual page like this, nevertheless, still exists in reality. What gives? Every house calls for a chimney.



This week was no good at all. Because there was a rise in some conflict of interests. The problem in an office is that every house has no chimney. So the suppression of all steam only speaks of a certain combustion at an unknown time. And really almost every tom dick & harry gets CC-ed for many random things where they have nothing gotta do with the subject matter. No harm really, just a WIDE-eyed moment come each Monday. The joy of seeing the influx of little envelope icons & the subsequent glee in trashing it. YES, we get it. You must have been doing anything 'cept skivving.



Well, tomorrow i'm on leave, and hence an early TGIF for me! very happy you know! heeee hee heee :D

Something kinda Funny :D

Self-awareness is a very beautiful thing. Because it helms the soul in, and along comes this soothing reassurance. So the increased level in confidence may have absolutely nothing to do with the outside, nothing to do with the current circumstances. Insecurity is such a bitch, bitch, bitch at times. It is so damaging. But sometimes childhood insecurity is like yesterday's problem swept under today's rug. So sick and tired! Not good enough, not good enough? Once and for all, OK, good enough. Good enough to Him, to parents, to friends, to myself. Settled.


I was staring blank facing the window which overlooks the ferris wheel besides the Sheares bridge. The office was empty, and it was just fantastic. Went to the boardroom, closed the door, sat there with my ipod with Garth brooks Lost in You playing on repeat. That feeling, gosh. It was more than fabulous than fabulous itself. And i sat there imagining how beautiful the surroundings would look on the ferris itself. Did much thinking, or rather, dreaming on the swivel chair. The feeling of being on a high floor and looking afar, is very therapeutic. The night sky is so sweet. You'll see the little specks of light on the Sheares, office lights from the opposite buildings, look down, and theres the westin's swimmining pool. This tingly vertigo that creeps on as i plastered my plams against the glass panel. I can only dream about how pretty it will look on the tanjong rhu stretch. Dreaming so much, that i can feel that spastic expression creeping up on the face. Hopeless dreamer look. Often, the most beautiful times are the times you spend alone and everything you are feeling inside is so real and so unpretentious. Felt so very happy, and it feels so very lucky.


Must be the music la, damn. Make me feel so sappy. hahahhaa. Raining outside somemore!


But then later i went up to new asia, although there was company, the feeling dissipated. I realised it was beautiful because the feeling was so raw, and honest. Must have been missing something all this while. I guess i found it.

Hi!

The office dynamics is pretty new to me.



1) You are supposed to know a certain something, yet not suppose to allow that knowing to skew any impression of the person. In that case, i wouldn't want to know. But no, you need to know. what??


alright.



2) No such thing as a free lunch.


ok.



It's no surprise that S'pore has one of the least % of happy folks around. Mornings in and out, i noticed many have that same look. The look of the absolute expressionless. Just out of a whim, i decided to smile at this stranger lady because she looks friendly enough. Enough to say that when i smiled, she turned her head to look behind her. Hmm, but there's just the tracks behind . She returned the favour. But i cant really figure out was it a half-grimace or was it a facial twitch.



Thats one less reason to take the MRT, one more reason to take 174. And so i did! :D

Gotta get used to...

When I realised it was gone, it is hard to remain entirely unaffected. There is only so much that self convincing nonchalence can do. Indifferently speaking, maybe this proves my point. hmm, i guess. There is no dearth of short lived happiness, anythings or randoms. Best if they overlap so as one dissipates, the next comes by, just as it starts to count itself down.

Strange. What matters really? The only constant is eternally good. Comfort in the knowledge indeed. :D

2factor motivation

Purpose Driven is running towards Prized Carrot hanging from afar.
Fear Driven is running a smidge faster towards Prized Carrot with the nagging feel of another one coming behind.


Works best when paired together. :D

the wombats love their carrots too.

Dried Crispy Noodle

I love the fact that so many things are out of my control. Love to feel excitement, frustration, nervousness. And the bestest love would be the love of awareness.


Its like the phlegmatic wet noodle aired itself to dry, and finally found some Xtra sanguine spriiiing. :D

"Yeeess, anything for MEEE?"

The cow ate my grass

Whoever came up with the "Grass is greener over the other side" liner, may just have combusted the greatest irony of life. Constantly it has been refuted, bombarded, bludgeoned with liners like "Count your blessings'" etc. I suspect this is some useless balm to soothe the bruised ego. Just cause it means contentment or complacency. Or cause it also means wallowing in self-pity/self-denial. Bugger. Its the touchy issues that sets the livewire within to run AMOK to the fence, sneak peek at the grass on the other side, feel immensely peeved, AMOK some more in your field, and go check out That green green grass again.



We know for a fact that a patch of Green-Grass-On-The-Other-Side doesnt mean that the entire acre is Green. But this Irony will not cease to desist. I.e. It just refuses to die. There are some touchy issues that everyone has. And yeah, it trampoline-d into the mind today. Bobs up down down up up up down, and refuses to die.




Oh ya, Happy Lunar New Year.




Where was I..yeap. Point on taking that Gargatuan Goss about Green Grass to another level. we often feel like a lucky fish when we find someone whose company we like so very much. And that person becomes very special, to very indispensible. It's this excitement that sends the senses to a major overkill, and Special Person is notched up the pedestal. They become larger than life, and in a way, their fields seem to be in a brighter hue of green. No reason to be the resident lucky fish, than it is to feel like a promiscuous snail. Company is only good when its shared. We have different vibes with different people, but just impossible for a same sense of camaderie across all relationships. So yeeaah, gotta tap yourself on the back, shoot a thumbs-up that you have done your part to make this company good. Got to love yourself more, and give more credit to self. :D



The grass on both sides is of the SAME colour. Now that is superb embellishment for my ego! Great! I can rest easy tonight.



And all this while..i'm hearing the noises from the void-deck cats as they do their thang. What do you call that? Cat groans?




Do you need to know that?
Nope.
But i just want to tell you.




HEEEEEEE.




Good night!